Righteous Derby!

In the immortal words of superfan Darcy Moschenross “there was some good hittin’ tonight.” And indeed there was. It was the second of the internal bouts this season at the Connecticut Sports Center in Woodbridge and the mixed teams were extremely well crafted. The bout pitted the Mobsters against the Cops.

The crime-ridden Bella Donnas had a formidable team that included the likes of Black Cherry, Pam Terror, Eleanor Bruisevelt, Revengela, Paula G. Imnaughty, Anita Guinness, Luciana Pulverotti, Miz ConSepJen, as well as visiting players Dreadnought, Rhoda Perdition, and Killary Clinton. Girl Fawkes (injured with a torn ACL from the Pittsburgh bout) and Tina Colada helped manage the team from the sideline.

But the Hot Fuzz were not intimidated. Their team consisted of an imposing bunch with Parker Poison, Liberty Violence, Doomcake, C. Mya Rage, Ether Bunny, Flora Goodthyme, Milla LowLife, Pearl Jammer, and visiting players Lil’ Paine, Slamarella, and Xena Paradox. The Cops were supported by manager’s Vixen Von Bruizen and Dina Sore Jr.

Before the bout began we looked through the rosters. With Pearl, Doom, Milla, and Rage the Hot Fuzz had some strong jammers in their midst. But could they out-skate the hard hitting defense of the Bella Donna’s? If history has taught us anything, it’s that the likes of Miz, Paula, Looch, and Revengela show no mercy. Our early prediction? A close bout.

The bout began with Black Cherry at the line beside Doomcake. The whistles blew and their skates came to life. Black Cherry started strong working off of a decisive block by Elle which dropped Doomcake behind the pack. Cherry pulled in 6 for the mobsters. Shortly thereafter, Elle came up against Rage and added 8 points. Pearl, known for her unnatural agility on wheels, snagged lead jamming status for the Fuzz, but it was not meant to be. She had only scored a single point when she was abruptly flattened by Pam Terror’s unforgiving shoulder.

The points kept adding up for the Bella Donna’s. Their team saw a huge surge in points as the first half came to a close. Over the last 6 jams of the first half Elle, Cherry, and Revengela collectively amassed 33 points to the meager 10 for the Fuzz. The half closed at 50 points for the mobsters and only 22 for the Fuzz.

Jammer Black Cherry escapes a close call

How could this be?! The teams had seemed so well matched. Outside of an 8 point jam by Doom and a 5 point sprint by Rage the girls in blue had seen little success. Both teams were successful in getting in front, in fact lead jamming status was nearly perfectly split between the teams for the first half, but the mobsters were successful in capitalizing on their opportunities.

The second half started with the teams at a strategic impasse. First, Pam tried to keep up the momentum for the mobsters against Doomcake. But the two roller girls were too closely matched. Doom snagged lead jammer status… but only just barely and had to call off the jam early lest her team lose precious time and energy with unproductive jams.

Doom sneaks ahead of Pam at the start of the second half

The next jam it was Elle’s turn to snag jammer status away from Pearl only to find herself ending the jam before any points could be earned. Lil’ Paine went next and once again found herself having to end the jam without points.

Milla LowLife finally brought it home for the cops. She was jamming against hard-hitting Revengela but the Cop pack had Milla’s back. As Milla raced by her teammates, Doom held Revengela back (figuratively, not literally. Holding is against the rules.) Milla was facing some tough opposition at the front, but her teammate Ether Bunny executed a brilliant whip hurling Milla forward and just barely… just barely out of reach of the tidal wave of mobster defense crashing at her heels.

Milla (#40 oz.) races to give her team some needed motivation

Milla took in five points for the Cops. And at that pivotal point the Hot Fuzz was back in the game. Pearl followed Milla and took three points. Lil’ Pain tied Pam with 3’s, and then Pearl’s skates came alive. She skated furiously through an gap Parker Poison opened for her and lapped the pack twice for 10. Milla came in and promptly added 9 more to the score.

The 38 point gap had narrowed to a mere 9 points. Pearl came to the line against Rhoda Perdition. Pearl rushed to the front of the pack and quickly drew into the imposing shadows of Elle and Miz. In a whirl of skates and speed, Pearl nimbly swerved around the opposing blockers, took lead status, and narrowed the mobsters lead to four. Lil’ Paine followed and, as the minutes ticked away, she brought the game to a tie.

stunned reactions from the crowd!

The cops had found success in their relentless jammers and the strong support from the Hot Fuzz pack. Pearl put the mobsters in their place with two more points and as the minutes dipped to seconds Doom closed the jail cell for good with a ten point jam. Black Cherry almost broke her team out in the final jam with a proud 8 points, but when the buzzer sounded, victory sided with the Fuzz.


High scorers
Pearl 25 points in 10 jams. Lead 6/10
Doom 21 points in 9 jams. Lead 4/10

Cherry 32 points in 9 jams. Lead 5/9
Eleanor 25 points in 7 jams. Lead 3/7


It was a low penalty game. The most trips any player took to the box was 3. There was no true Queen of the penalty box in this bout.

Cops: Milla LowLife
Mobsters: Miz ConSepJen


A great job to all the players and staff who really put it on the line to make these events a success. Saturday night’s bout was truly everything a fan could hope for. Well done!! A special welcome to Anita Guinness and Liberty Violence who debuted on Saturday. Great job! We’re all looking forward to more hard hitting from you.

If any readers would like to participate in the action, or just come to check out the Charity bout on March 14th, you can find more information at the Roller Girl website: CTRollerDerby.com

Special thanks to Darcy for the photographs.

5 thoughts on “Righteous Derby!

  • 2/24/2009 at 5:17 am

    What was the total score at the end of the bout? I’m trying to enter it for DNN, and it’s not listed anywhere. I don’t know the names/teams well enough to figure out how much the Cops won by.

    It is VERY RARE that I get to find out the halftime score. Thanks for including that. That’s actually useful.


  • 2/24/2009 at 6:14 pm

    Hi Grand Poobah,

    The final score was 85 for the cops and 71 for the mobsters. Special thanks to Ian Fluenza for double checking that for me.

    roll on,
    Mike D.

  • 2/24/2009 at 8:32 pm

    You better be at that charity bout, I’ll be skating in it! (Not reffing this time like last time when I ran into you and Sander)

  • 2/25/2009 at 10:47 pm

    A few thoughts….

    1. Since there was Lil Paine for the cops, why wasn’t Lotta Pain of Providence in for the Mob Squad?

    2. If memory serves me correctly, PJ has been on the winning side of all three mixmatches, whereas poor little Miz has come up short in all three.

    3. Speaking of which, you forgot to mention Con SepJen stayed out of the penalty box the entire first half.

    4. Correction-Doom 4 lead/9 jams

    I’m looking forward to the next CTRG bout, and hoping everyone stays healthy.

    The Original GGRDonald
    proud derby fan since 2006


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