Clear the way for the Stepford Sabotage

What a way to end the year! On Sunday, Connecticut’s Roller Girls debuted their all-star team ‘The Stepford Sabotage’ and crushed the visiting Long Island Roller Rebels in a spectacular show of speed and strategy. ‘Season’s Beatings’ was a monumental event, not only in its excitement but also in its significance. This battle for the ages was the first inter-league game hosted by Connecticut’s roller derby league, and it was an awesome sight to see. A frost in the air set the mood as crowds braved ice and winter storm warnings in order to come and cheer on their favorites. The two teams may have started friendly off the track but it seems skates can quickly turn women violent.

The bout launched into action with CT’s Pearl Jammer up against Long Island’s C-Roll. Pearl, the leading scorer for CT, started it off right pulling in a quick four points for the girls in green. Sabotage’s Pam Terror, a whirlwind of dynamite, followed suit against Summer Slam. The Stepford Sabotage, with her early lead, seemed poised for victory from the onset. But C-Roll fought back and showed the locals that these Roller Rebels would not go down easy. The third jam saw C-Roll pull 10 points against 0 for the Stepford Sabotage. It was this jam that gave CT a personal introduction to Long Island’s Captain Morgan. The only thing more menacing than her ability to keep the Sabotage at bay is her evil eye… which, rumor has it, can bring the toughest rollergirl shaking to her knees.

The CT roller girls rotated Doomcake into the jamming spot followed by Tina Colada. In the same way that cake and frozen drinks send you into a wild sugar high, Doomcake and Tina Colada left the audience in a dizzy coma; their sweet moves came at a good time: CT wasn’t risking wearing out there jammers. Instead the team threw skater after skater into the mix. The Roller Rebels with only 11 players (one of which, Trixie Timebomb, was hurt early on) were getting worn down. By the end of the first period the Stepford Sabotage had a commanding lead of 39 to 17.

Peekaboom!’s Skate. Up close and personal.

The second period roared with remarkable strategy and defense. The blockers barricaded their opponents with relentless energy and power. Eleanor Bruisevelt, Peekaboom!, and Miz Con SepJen were doing wonders at keeping Long Island Jammers C-Roll, Regine Bull, and Amaretto Sourpuss back. At the same time, Captain Morgan and Anna Tramp were holding back the CT Jammers with smooth skill and prowess. Jam after Jam came up scoreless. When the Jammers did break free of the pack they did so neck and neck, an invigorating derby ensued and all eyes were on the Jammers.

The period ended on a down note as Black Cherry took a bad spill. She clawed her way off the track in heavy pain where she waited grimacing until the EMT’s could come to her aid. Once Cherry left the track the Roller Rebels showed no mercy as Captain Morgan improved her reputation for brutality with a fantastic knock down of jammer Tina Colada.

Stepford’s Mascot, Dead End Cupcake (with butcher knife), anxiously watches the bout beside M.C. Hitman Hank

The final period saw even point scoring by both teams until the 6th jam of the period. Pearl Jammer took her place at her starting line next to Ragine Bull. The whistle chirped once, and the pack was off… it chirped again and the two jammers took to an all out sprint. The Stepford Sabotage had Parker Poison, Peekaboom!, Violet Riot, and Elenor Bruisevelt up front. As Pearl approached, her teammates opened the path for her and then immediately locked Regina Bull down. She was stuck behind the girls in green. Meanwhile Pearl skated viciously around the pink clad Roller Rebels, not once… not twice… but three times. Only once before in CT roller derby history has a roller girl succeeded in a triple grand slam against her rival. This 15 to nothing jam put the Stepford Sabotage up 91 to 43 with only minutes remaining. The girls cheered at their success, but the action was far from over.

Doomcake and Black Cherry skating to victory

Not three jams later, a series of penalties left Stepford in a dangerous situation. Pearl Jammer was up again, but her only defensewoman was Revengela. Long Island’s Summer Slam had an opportunity to take back points. Despite being the the only lonely green shirt in a sea of pink, Revengela was not intimidated. If anything, her bloodlust was only amplified. Summer Slam began her trip around the track. Revengela started hard and did an admirable job at keeping Slam back and getting Pearl through. Slam only got around once before the penalties expired and the Stepford Girls stormed the track again.

The last jam saw C-Roll in her prime. C-Roll had been pushed to her limit with an ABSURD 19 Jams under her belt. Despite this, she still pulled in 10 more points for her team in the final jam. The refs watched carefully. As Miz Con Sepjen slammed into yet another unexpecting Roller Rebel, a ref called her out on Tripping. Miz Con SepJen’s eyes glowed with Fury and she exploded back at the ref. She brazenly refused to leave the track. The ref, fed up, threw his hand in the air and ejected her from the game. Complete insubordination is not taken lightly. As Miz left the track she raised her hands to the crowds and encouraged them to cheer for her teammates still in the battle. The crowd exploded in cheers. It was an extremely entertaining display of defiance. The refs were fools to mess with Miz. Her crowd appeal is said to rival that of Bono.

When the buzzer sounded the final score stood at 106 to 61. Pearl brought home a grand total of 45 points. C-Roll stood in for the most jams, Ragine Bull snagged the most penalties (14).

Next up for the Roller Rebels is some relaxation. Their season has ended. The CT Roller Girls will be back at it on January 27th as their season starts with a show down between the Elm City Bone Crushers and the Widowmakers. To get more information check out

7 thoughts on “Clear the way for the Stepford Sabotage

  • 12/13/2007 at 8:32 am

    I recently attended the latest bout of the Boston Derby Dames and it was everything I had hoped for. It was the Cosmonaughties against the Nutcrackers.

  • 12/13/2007 at 9:51 am

    Nice! I’m glad Roller Fever is spreading. It’s such a fun time. Hopefully someday we’ll be able to see the Stepford Sabotage up against the Boston teams.

  • 12/13/2007 at 7:05 pm

    Hey- Thanks so much for all your hard work in writing the bout coverage. CTRG really appreciates it!

  • 12/13/2007 at 11:28 pm

    Love your recaps, but the last part of this one made me a bit sad. :(

    I think that, in general, the hard work and dedication put in by our refs tends to go unnoticed by many.

    Rather than saying that they were fools for doing such-and-such a thing, (even if the word is used only in jest) perhaps we should be congratulating them on a job well done!

    after all, the refs are just as much a part of roller derby as the skaters are, and without them, there would hardly be much of a game to watch!

  • 12/14/2007 at 7:35 am

    Good point Violet! While my words were indeed written in jest, perhaps it was a bit too irreverent.

    I think the appeal of Roller Derby is as much the attitude and fiestiness (is this a word?) of the players as the excitement of the sport itself. I see Miz Con SepJen’s rebellion as a testimony to the independence and energy of the Roller Girls. To your point however, perhaps the crowd’s support of defiance is a bit misplaced; the refs are indeed fantastic! Their eyes caught 156 penalties in the inter-league match so they certainly play a huge role in keeping the sport fair. They also work their butts off with statistics and keeping the game rolling.

    Thanks for the comment Violet! We love Roller Derby, and these events would be impossible without the folks in stripes.

  • 12/14/2007 at 7:37 am

    Thanks Peekaboom! you were on fire on Sunday. Great job!

  • 12/14/2007 at 12:13 pm

    Miz is no Bono! (but I love yr recaps anyway)


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