Wednesday night was a bummer.
After working a twelve hour day, I stumbled through the door tired and thirsty. I tossed my briefcase and lunchbox onto a side table and collapsed into a chair in the dining room and started writing my Derby recap. Shortly thereafter, Roommate Nick’s delicious smells of dinner soon began to emanate from the kitchen, and I decided I better get some nourishment. What better way to satiate my immediate sugar necessity than with a nice tall glass of Orange Juice.
Let’s take a short pause from the narrative to describe my somewhat unusual/stupid method of getting myself a glass of juice. Are you familiar with Rick Richter’s Neutral-Lose principle? I think I’ve mentioned it before. It goes like this: Men often put themselves into situations where the best thing that could happen is nothing at all. Example: “OH MAN! I bet I can throw this cup of laundry detergent across the room into the laundry machine!” In this instance, the best thing that happens is Neutral: detergent in the machine – and of course the opposite event is a pure lose. Laundry detergent everywhere.
I follow this principle pretty much all the time – for example, whenever I get Orange Juice. I open the door, balance the glass on the door, and then pour my juice. Wednesday started off as normal. I placed the glass delicately on the refrigerator door, but just after I retrieved the juice bottle, I noticed that the iron was on in the living room. I promptly jogged over to the iron and unplugged it, but upon turning around I saw that the refrigerator door was closing. I had mere moments to dive across the foyer and catch the falling glassware.
I leaped as the glass started tumbling to the ground. I am disappointed to report that it shattered in my hand. Glass became lodged in my palm at four points, including a sizable gash in the fleshy part of my palm.
I promptly put pressure on my palm to try and stop the bleeding, I sent a picture to Darcy M.D. who informed me that it wasn’t deep enough to warrant stitches or any professional medical treatment, and then I washed it in
tap water tabasco sauce and wrapped it aggressively. A few hours later, the bleeding stopped!
And now I’m wounded, though I’m pleased to report that my bandages have been reduced from giant absorbant pads to normal bandaids. I’m also pleased to report that this has not influenced my guitar playing.
Has this convinced me to stop balancing glassware on the refrigerator door? The jury is still out.