Season’s Beatings III

On Saturday night Connecticut’s own Stepford Sabotage faced the Maine Port Authorities in an awesome Roller Derby showdown!! We had a whole bunch of derby virgins with us for this particular bout including Sasha, Vivienne, and Sarah T. It was this season’s first interleague bout hosted at the Connecticut Sports Center. Stepford Sabotage came all decked out in their menacing green uniforms with matching helmets, the Port Authorities were in white tops with dark blue booty shorts. The Port Authorities were coming in with a bit more experience, but Stepford’s lineup was back in business and the Connecticut locals came out to Woodbridge in great numbers to support the girls.

Hitman Hank and the Reverend Al Mighty were the MC’s for the night and they riled up the crowd for the introductions and to show the new spectators how the sport is played. It wasn’t long before the whistles blew and the girls were screaming around the track. Connecticut had a rough start; the first five jams were dominated by the Port Authorities. Syd Rock, Pearl Jammer, and Doomcake struggled to keep up with the Port Authorities’ Olive Spankins and Killer Quick as the two jammers pulled in 17 unanswered points for Maine.

The Pack!

Stepford fought hard to keep up. Pearl was the first to break through the intimidating wall of booty shorted blockers. She only pulled a single point against Maine’s Jones N, but even this minor victory was enough to spur our girls into action. Syd and Pam Terror came out next as jammers, scored nine points, and brought Connecticut within striking distance.

The jammers were doing a great job getting points, in spite of the impressive work of each team’s blockers and pivots. It first became apparent that the blockers were doing their jobs when Maine’s Punchy O’Guts aggressively slammed Syd Rock as she tried to pass on the outside of a turn. The hit drew grimaces from the crowd. Miz Con SepJen and Milla Low Life, among others, were doing their part in Stepford’s pack to hold off the onslaught. A critical turning point came about halfway through the first period. Black Cherry had been out on penalty as jammer, which gave Olive Spankins a key opportunity to pull in additional points for Maine. She was unsuccessful, however, and instead ended up getting a penalty of her own.

Doomcake started the next round unopposed. She had a few key minutes to try and get lead jammer status and some points before Olive Spankins would return and threaten the jam. Doomcake started strong. As she skated around the track, the crowd cheering her on, she got point after point. When Olive Spankins did finally return from penalty, Revengela made short work of her. She plowed into Olive decidedly knocking her out of play. Revengela’s key move gave Doomcake some extra time to score 9 points for Connecticut.

Doomcake’s victory was followed by a beautiful jam where Pearl Jammer stole 3 points off of lead jammer Killer Quick. Syd continued the drive with four points thanks to some aggressive blocking by Luciana Pulverotti. Connecticut had taken the lead! Unfortunately, the lead was short lived as Killer Quick and Olive Spankins returned with strong jams ending the first half 34 to 49 in favor of the Port Authorities.

During the intermission we were entertained by the Memphis Morticians, a heavy band with a sweet stand up bass and a lead singer with epic mutton chops. After their set, the girls returned to the track.

The second half started with more impressive blocking within the pack. Right from the beginning Mt. Saint Helen, Eleanor Bruisevelt, Luciana Pulverotti, and Revengela made their presence known. Despite the clear difficulty of keeping a hold on the opposing jammers, the girls were doing a good job on defense. At one point we were floored by the delicate defensive exchange between Eleanor and Luciana. Killer Quick was skating hard but Eleanor got in front of her, preventing her from sneaking ahead. Killer Quick was evasive though, and as she zipped around a turn she got a skate around Eleanor and AT THAT VERY MOMENT Luciana swept in and crushed Quick’s advance. As testimony to their determination at holding back Quick, Luce and Eleanor traded off this defense a few more times giving the Stepford Sabotage a chance to stay in the game.

Pam Terror skates as jammer for Stepford

Deep into the second half Syd was skating as jammer. As the girls zipped along the straight, a blocker blindsided Syd and took her down hard. It looked like Syd rolled her ankle – she was down for the count. The EMT’s worked their magic (despite being a little slow in making their way over to our hurt player – show some haste EMTs!**) and Syd was able to get back up within a few minutes. She stayed out for the rest of the bout, but her injury didn’t stop Connecticut from one final rally. The game would definitely be won by Maine, but that didn’t cause Doomcake to slow her attack for the final jam. With just 53 seconds left, Doom worked her way to the front of the pack and achieved lead jammer status. The crowd roared as Doom pumped her fist in the air. She got through the pack once, and then again, concluding the bout with a strong 9 point jam.

Final Score: Stepford 82, Port Authorities 120

Let’s talk Statistics!!

Lead scorers:
33 Pearl Jammer
28 Syd Rock
19 Doomcake

Port Authorities
60 Olive Spankins
54 Killer Quick
6 Jones N

*note: Olive and Quick had such strong numbers in part because they acted as jammer in nearly every jam

Lead jammer ratios!

Pearl 5 Leads in 12 jams
Syd 6 Leads in 13 jams
Doom 3 Leads in 8 jams

Port Authorities
Olive 9 leads in 16 jams
Quick 13 leads in 17 jams
Jones N 4 leads in 7 jams

Penalty Queens!

Miz ConSepJen 4 minor 3 major

Port Authorities
The Mom Bomb 8 minor 2 major


Stepford – Girl Fawkes
Port Authorities – Breezey

Great job Roller Girls!! Sarah T, Sasha, and Vivienne instantly became derby fans at Saturday night’s bout. The rest of us were once again entertained beyond our expectations.

Join the fun on January 17th at the Connecticut Sports Center when the Widowmakers take on the Iron Angels. For more information check out the Connecticut roller girls’ website here.


Schuyler, a friend who partook in the roller derby mayhem on Saturday night, sent in this little blurb about his favorite player Doomcake.

While Doomcake’s skills hardly go unnoticed in Connecticut Derby, her jams against Maine this past Saturday were a perfect showcase for why she is the most versatile player in the league. While other jammers got knocked around by the brutal tactics of the Maine Port Authority’s blockers, Doomcake took the crowd’s energy and used it to cut through the pack in seconds. When in the pack herself, she proved a formidable obstacle to Olive Spankins and Killer Quick. Each time Doom took lead jammer status, it appeared that the tide would be turning in favor of the Sabotage, and had she jammed more than she did, it might have. Few rollergirls are able to bust heads as easily as they can elegantly weave through the pack, but it’s Doomcake’s ability to do just this that has made her my favorite rollergirl since the first bout I saw. Given the cheers of “Doooooom” as she pumped her arms, rocketing around the track as lead jammer, I suspect that I’m not the only one.

Thanks Schuyler!

**Update: Ian Fluenza pointed out that the EMT’s were, in fact, eager to help out Syd but didn’t come over until they were waved over by the head ref, Jeff da Ref.

7 thoughts on “Season’s Beatings III

  • 12/15/2008 at 2:29 pm


    Thanks Mike! Great recap!

  • 12/15/2008 at 6:57 pm

    Thanks to CT for hosting the bout and challenging the Port Authorities to a tough and exciting bout. Cheers to good derby, Irish Car Bombs and broken hotel beds!

  • 12/16/2008 at 12:02 am

    Your recaps are excellent tools in persuading friends and coworkers to come to a bout. And thanks for always bringing and converting your friends into derby fans!

    And it must be said in addition to the frenzied enthusiasm of the crowd the source of my jamming power often lies in the ability of our vicious blockers. Aaaaaaah! I can’t wait to do it again!

    See you soon!


  • 12/16/2008 at 2:25 pm

    I completely second Doom! This former CTRG ref has few outlets of awesome derby news now that I’ve moved cross-country. Thanks for the wonderful reporting!

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  • 12/17/2008 at 12:33 am

    Thanks CT! A special thanks to Miz, the fastest Car Bomb racer ever.

  • 1/6/2009 at 5:31 pm

    just re-reading yr recap, and I have to agree with yr friend. Doom is pretty much the epitome of the perfect roller derby girl. She is amazing, sweet, and completely capable of breaking you in half without blinking an eye!


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