Promoting the General

Last night at Kung Fu I learned a new move called “Promoting the General”

NOTE: do not actually try these moves without proper instruction. The following steps are more for general explanation than as a ‘how to’ for pain application.

That said, check it out:


The Quintessential Bad guy grabs your left wrist with his right hand. He’s been taunting you all night and you’re nervous.

Step 1: Spread your hand apart and turn it upward so that his wrist lies in the little valley between your thumb and your fingers

Just like this…

Step 2: Take your right hand and clamp it down on his right hand. Don’t let him remove his hand from your wrist.


Step 3: Here’s the tricky part. You twist your hands over and step behind the person. As you twist their hand upwards, they will naturally fall onto their knees


Step 4: Take your left elbow, and push downwards on their arm. Surprisingly little force is needed to force them into submission.


Using our patented MSPaint Invisi-cam, you can see what’s happening to the person’s arm here:


And there we have it!! It’s extremely effective, and if you need some extra insurance, by dropping to one knee yourself, you can push your opponent’s face directly into the ground. Yay!!

4 thoughts on “Promoting the General

  • 8/8/2008 at 4:10 pm

    You have mastered MSPaint. From now on, I want to see your Kung-Fu instructions performed by origami dolls.

  • 8/8/2008 at 6:32 pm

    or maybe attempt to animate mspaint? like flash or anigif?

  • 8/10/2008 at 6:35 pm

    I agree, a change of format might be in order.
    I’m thinking you start constructing things out of food. Imagine learning this kung fu move thanks to stop-motion carrot vs. celery.
    I mean you’re THINKING of food during most of these posts, just go with it!


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