Day: January 10, 2008

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Guide to the Proper Equipment of a Woodworking Shop

– Unlike most woodworking equipment, which is electrically powered, a
chain mortiser is typically powered by a Wankel rotary engine.

– A biscuit joiner is used to cut butter into dry ingredients to
ensure a flaky texture

– A thickness planer is an essential tool to the woodworker, both for
its ability to plane wood to any thickness, but also because its
diamonds coating in-feed roller could be sold to a jeweler should the
economy take a significant downturn.

– Panel boring equipment is dull and uninteresting.

1. No
2. Isn’t gonna happen
3. In your dreams!
4. I don’t think so, suckuh
5. That’ll happen…NOT

A brevitous gentleman’s guide to hard- and softwoods for usage in a maritime environment

– The most common wood found on seafaring and lakefaring vessels, by far, is teak. This is due to its curious ability to repel both fresh- and saltwater sharks, man-eating rays, and pelicans.

– The unwary boatbuilder may select specimens of pine to equip his vessel; an unwise decision, as the spiny lumpsucker, with its already-sticky underbelly, will be come semi-permanently attached to the pine sap. This will lead to frequent and untimely lumpsucker careening.

– Cedar will not experience symptoms of rot in salt water, but will exhibit the strange characteristic of smelling of cheap potpourri.

– Masts and bowsprits shall not, under any circumstances, be made of bamboo. It is a grass, not a wood, and therefore unwelcome in such a noble oceanfaring position.

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Field Guide to Reasonably Sized Aquariums Suitable for the Home Hobbyist

– It should be the aim of all home aquarium hobbyists to group together satisfactory species of the sea such that they fight in the most awesome way possible.

– One should add a “Deep Sea Diver” air bubbler if an only if he has a fully-functioning, very sharp, model knife.

– Note that octopi may be trained to crawl out of the aquarium, and, using their suctioned tentacles, open stuck lids on pickle, beet, and olive jars.

– Those that enjoy sushi should take into consideration the possibility of growing kelp and tuna, miniature varieties of course.