Provided all goes according to plan by the end of this day I will be the official sole owner of the House of Rock. In order to get Jesse’s name removed, I was forced to refinance.
And let me tell you, refinancing is a huge pain in the butt. In addition to costing scores and scores of mula, it’s an adventure that requires a legal team, a mortgage lender, a mortgage broker, an insurance team, an accountant (or someone equally as tax-savvy), and the alignment of the 48 moons of Saturn. As it happens, the celestial bodies seem to have fallen into order and at 2:00pm I will be passed a stack of papers 8 inches thick and a blue pen with which I am to sign blindly because, seriously, who’s going to read all that crap. Oh yes… and thank you so much for lending me the money that’s already being lent to me. Here, let me write you a staggering check to pay you for your troubles.
Adding to the frustrations is this whole credit crunch mayhem. The lender actually required me to write a short something stating why I wanted to refinance. Essentially… an essay. I had to write an essay. You can’t make this stuff up. Being the meager homebuyer that I am, I gladly bucked to their demands, wrote up my piece, and thanked them for the opportunities.
Back in the day, J.P. Morgan used to give out loans based on the character of the borrower. Frankly, I think it’s unfortunate that we can’t fall back on this. These days it doesn’t matter how much dirt is under your fingernails… it’s more important that your mortgage costs won’t exceed 30% of your salary* and that you can write an essay explaining your desires to refinance**
Kung Fu threats don’t work either***. In fact they aren’t typically taken very well at all. Those bankers are an ornery bunch.
No matter. Sometimes you pass Go and other times you land on Luxury Tax. Let’s leave the banking matters to the banks and just hope that the coming years find the house of rock filled with good times. Here’s to you House of Rock!
*That number might not be right. I don’t remember exactly.
** The purpose of this, if you’re curious, is to create a paper trail so that if something goes horribly awry and it is found that I refinanced for some other less worthy reason, I can be held responsible and the bank can cover its butt.
bank: Mr. DiDonato, how’s 6%?
mike d: 6%!?!?! It sounds like you guys need a good crescent kick to the head.
bank: how’s 6 and an eighth?
mike d: 6 and an eighth is just fine.