Boarding groups boggle my mind

Gate opened.

Welcome to flight 3503 with service to a place you probably don’t want to go. This flight is uncomfortably full so we are limited in overhead baggage storage. Please make sure you take advantage of the underseat storage. Anything larger than a loaf of bread will need to be gate checked.

At this time we’ll be boarding senior citizens and anyone with disabilities who require additional time on the jet bridge.

Now, we would like to welcome active, uniformed military personnel to board.

Families with infants are now encouraged to board.

All families traveling with children under 4 are now invited to board the aircraft.

We will now be accepting first class passengers through our priority lane.

Group one is now welcome to board.

Platinum members of our rewards program can now board.

Participants in our credit card Milage Premium program can now board.

Group two can now board.

Gold level rewards program travelers are now welcome to board through the priority lane.

Group three is invited to board through the economy lane.

Passengers without carry on luggage can board at this time.

Group four can now board via the economy lane.

Anyone named Phillip can now board.

Group five is encouraged to board.

Group six is invited to board the aircraft.

Silver level rewards program travelers are now welcome to board through the ‘we call it silver, but its virtually worthless’ lane.

All remaining passengers with a group assignment can board at this time.

Any passengers without a group assignment can now board.

Standby passengers with seat assignments can now board the plane.

Last call for flight 3503 to a place you probably don’t want to go? Last call for flight 3505?

Gate closed.

4 thoughts on “Boarding groups boggle my mind

  • 4/2/2013 at 12:07 pm

    hahahaha! I like it. Sorry you have to travel. where are you off to?

    • 4/3/2013 at 9:31 am

      I’m in Ohio. I think this is my seventh week here since January.

  • 4/2/2013 at 4:16 pm

    Of all the times not to be named Phillip!

    • 4/5/2013 at 1:30 pm

      I NEVER am named Phillip.


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