In honor of the new X-men movie which is coming out this summer I figured I’d fire up a list of mikedidonato readers (occasional and faithful alike) and what I think their mutant super-power should be. If I left you out don’t feel bad, just throw a comment up and I will fix the mistake.
JonAbad: could breath fire and paralyze enemies at will
Kurt: could digest anything/everything including metal and rock
Ben: could put his hands on the ground and cause the earth to shake in British rock rhythms
TimBaird: could remove the life force from vegetation and use it to turn plants into stainless steel
Patrick: could use his inner ear as a GPS system and his feet would have natural cleats
Roland: would have super speed accompanied by go go gadget arms
Alicia: could breath laser beams in psychedelic colors
Theresa: could manifest spheres of chocolate (diameters up to 4 meters)
My mom: could absorb pain from others and then release it as a ball of fire from her palms
Jesse: could burrow really well into the earth… and hide there for days living off the Earth’s heat.
Jesse’s mom: could turn water into Listerine and would possess a super strong floss whip.
Alicia P’s mom: could resurrect roadkill
Infinity: would be able to form extremely complicated origami structures out of post-it notes in the blink of an eye
Becky: could speak to animals and get them to follow her command
Paul: nothing creative here. He’d simply be Spiderman.
ShaunMcQuaid: could hold his hands into the air and summon meteors
Tom: could decrystalize solids at will
Mykal: could create a shockwave of justice (I don’t know what this means, but it’d be awesome)
Sander: could turn protein and complex carbohydrates into animal fat
Aaron: could make his elbows glow yellow or red (not very useful… but a GREAT party trick)
Shamus: would have an unnatural ability to perform pull-ups, Lats of steel
RyanSchenk: would have unbreakable limbs and blood of Kool Aid
Ruth: could summon an army of lost souls to do her bidding
Jocelyn: could give people dreams of her choice
Adam: could manifest warm and cold fronts
Walid: could turn any food into mashed potatoes at will
Liz: could create controlled waves of force and aim them with remarkable precision
Kate from Ohio: could draw temporary lines of color in the air with her fingers
Tyler: could intercept and transmit radio waves thus broadcasting his thoughts over FM radio
Bisol: would be able to use his saliva as super glue (his mouth would have to be resistant for this to work)
Caitlin: could microwave objects with her brainwaves
JesAbad: could animate inanimate objects
Marian: could hold her fists in the air and create electromagnetic storms
Mike G: would be able to disassociate electrons from a gas and create laboratory grade plasmas
Pam C: could jump super-high and absorb adrenalin from those around her
Ian: would have armor like Master Chief
JillDeTeso: would be able to whip her arms around her and cause a fury of volcanic explosions and eruptions around her
TedBreen: could absorb energy from static electricity and use it to power small appliances by touch
JoeHavelick: could adjust his body chemistry so that he could be eternally high
Abby: could clap her hands together and have all speakers within a half mile start playing “Eye of the Tiger”
James: could clench his fists and will the death of adorable animals
Annie Olives: could squeeze happiness out of rocks, form it into a cotton candy consistency, and distribute it to eager children everywhere
JesSaint: could generate freckles on her skin or other people’s skin in any shape she wished (not un-like a magnadoodle)
Anita Clue: would be inexplicably good at accomplishing the orange side of rubix cube
Caitlin Gymnastics: could harness the power of the tides to release or capture the moon in tidal lock.
Could I have teeth that could bite anything? To help with the eating everything. I mean, whats the point of being able to digest straight Stainless Steel Daisy’s (made for me by Tim Baird) if I can’t bite its Flower off?
oh of course. Evolution wouldn’t be so cruel to you to allow you to digest anything but force you to use a band saw to cut your food into small pieces.
Can I choose my british rock, for light justice a little Cream, for heavy destruction full-on Keith Moon Who Power?
you’d obviously be able to choose the british rock, because your palms would be generating the vibrations into the Earth. It would be glorious.
Remember when you told me that dream you had about being Spider-man in a field and how lame it was? Yeah, i died a little inside that day…
It WAS lame! There was nothing to websling from! All I could do was run along the side of the road. I wasn’t even super fast. Wicked Lame.
Now if INSTEAD, I could be like Ruth and summon an army of lost souls… field, city, wherever… it’s going to be AWESOME.
i’m confused, do i grant people wishes or affect their REM sleep?
You could actually influence their REM sleep. Of all the superpowers above, I think this one is one of the most powerful. You could influence everyone! Powerful board of directors? You could send them dreams of how you’d be an excellent CEO. Want to be a superstar? send the world population a dream of how awesome you are. Want to affect politics? send the president constant dreams of resignation.
Queitly working in the background out of view, you could run/rule the world.
Ohh I like my power, electromagnetic fields very storm/magento like. I would be the x-men leader like Storm is in the new film.
You could also put on an AWESOME aurora borealis light show.
I have always wanted to see the Northern Lights! So to make them would be pretty cool
With my power I would be an unstoppable force in the volleyball world! Beach volleyball Olympic Gold Medal, here I come! Amazing!!
I figured you’d get good use out of your powers! Unstoppable indeed!
I’ll allow it. While I don’t work with plants alot, being able to create SS at will would certainly help with my job and FIRST.
you could get rich quick Tim. Stainless is expensive. Stainless Steel Roses would probably be a huge seller too. You’d be very popular with the ladies.
Yes! The perfect mutant powers for Ultimate!
(But wouldn’t that be cheating?)
PS – I made Patrick (AKA Captain Geography) in City Of Heroes the other day. I’ll link some screenshots in a bit. I like the powers you gave him.
Heh, this reminds me of a conversation I had with my friends a while ago about X-Men mutants. How come all the mutants have really useful powers? I mean, there’s laser eyes, teleportation, healing powers, fire control, etc. You never get anyone with a completely useless mutant power like (I came up with this as an example) “exploding knees”. That would be a dangerous, not to mention pretty much one-use, power. Unless you also, by sheer coincidence, had the mutant power of “invunerable knees”, in which case you’d still be a pretty shit X-Man if all you could do was make your knees explode at will. I imagine the times when that would be needed to save the world would be limited at best.
We also came up with a mutant who has control over all potato and potato-based food products. He was called Potat-O (pronounced like Magneto).
Bwahaha, best superhero dream ever.
Soo…. for about $200, you can go to the store and buy my superpowers….
Big irony: I used to work for Garmin, and I own a GPS. I rarely use it.
Well clearly I am the Potat-O that you speak of. Everyone agree that mashed potatoes are the ultimate food fight food. I will always be ready for a food fight.
Of course, you could always websling like a real spider does and shoot it into the air until there is enough web for the wind to catch it and pick you up. Give it a whirl sometimes..
Glowing elbows. On the one hand, that power really, really sucks. I probably wouldn’t even be able to use them as a flashlight (odd angles and low intensity. But on the other hand, it is the lame-ness of my power that makes everybody else’s so great.
I’ll take one for the team. Glowing elbows it is.
DUDE! I was thinking about this too!! I think we should start a series.
Not only that, imagine if some school children were about to be hit by a truck? you could turn the truck into mashed potatos and save the day.
In a way, you’re a lot like “Heart!” from Captain Planet. Your glowing elbows really hold the team together, despite the fact that we all make fun of you behind your back.
you’re a champ Aaron. We appreciate your elbows.
And if the superhero job doesn’t work for you, I bet you’d make a great airplane traffic director.
I just realized, I could use them as blinkers and brake lights when riding a bicycle.
That “Heart!” guy was a wuss; total doormat. You could totally tell the writers ran out of elements when assigning them to continents.
Yeah, I mean, Wind gets to create tornadoes, Fire is Pyro from the X-Men, Earth can do cool earth tremors and suchlike, Water is less useful but I guess if you’re near the sea or a river you could create tidal waves or something. But Heart? What can he do? Be friends with people? That is so lame.
I do recall in that one episode (I only ever saw a couple), all of the other planeteers had dropped their rings, and the bad guy froze them in ice. Heart-guy got some nearby penguins to sympathize and peck their rings out of the ice for them. So, Heart saved the day. That day. What a crappy story.
Earth!
Fire!
Wind!
Water!
Making friends with penguins!
I just watched the intro to the show.
Earth guy makes a pillar of rock rise from the ground to destroy a jeep!
Fire guy melts tarmac to stop a stolen armoured truck!
Water girl creates a water spout to rescue dolphins!
Wind girl captures bad guys with a tornado!
Heart boy… well, he’s trapped in a forest fire with some monkeys. He uses the heart ring to call the other guys to help him. Kind of like you would with a cellphone, I guess.
I’m a first-time reader here, so I don’t merit a super-power, but this is an awesome post.
don’t merit a super-power? bah.
Entry Updated.
Hey, that could be fun! Thanks. I can now target image-concious villains.
Not only that, if you had color control you could memorize animated gifs and then play them on other people’s foreheads. Every ounce of that super-power is fantastic.
Cool.
May I have a superpower please?
So, I can summon meteors. Seems like a “single use” power. Unless I can survive the meteor impact after I’ve summoned them, that is….
They could be very small meteors for pin-point strikes. Like, someone’s annoying you and then BLAM, they are annihilated by a 1cm diameter lump of rock traveling at 100 miles per second.
Thank you for including me. But I happen to suck at Rubik’s cubes.
And I could call you for take out Shaun!
“Shaun, hey this is Iron Gut. Can you call me down a bit of Mars please? I’m at the following GPS co-ordinates. Thanks!”
Well argued! Also, note that I have a weakness – if you can prevent me from raising my arms, I can’t summon the meteors. Interesting strategies could abound…
Not anymore Anita. Now you can dominate Orange like none-other.
Wow….a two year old reply…I hope nothing important was hanging on that one
Since we’re coming up on the three year anniversary of this post, I think it’s about time Mike D. gave himself a mutant power. How about it, Mike?
I think we should give him a power. Perhaps through the Vote Feature on this wacky site. What say you?
Vote feature?
There’s a vote feature? That sounds like fun.
May I have super hero powers too please?