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The other day Sander and I, like any typical group of males, were throwing around some hypothetical Mortal Kombat situations, and a question came up about Rayden.

Rayden is, of course, a character in the hit 90’s video game “Mortal Kombat” that was based on the Japanese god of thunder and lightning “Raiden”.

The question was:
Does Rayden’s electricity zap in alternating or direct current?
If your answer to this question is DC, do you think he could zap people in AC if he wanted?

This was of course followed by the question:
Do you think Scorpion would be an expert spear fisherman if he wasn’t an undead hell spawned ninja?

It is only in retrospect that I realize we are extreme dorks.

Yes, the Topsites link is gone. That’s because the link results in a “Account is suspended” announcement and I figured I would spare all readers from having to discover this on their own. As soon as the owner of the Topsites website gets his stuff back in gear the voting will continue.

Sander and I were stopped at a traffic light on the way to work this morning when a kid walked in front of the car.

Sander: Could that kid walk any more awkwardly?
mike d: ha ha. that poor kid, here he is just walking in front of us and we’re making fun of him because he’s fat and walks funny.
Sander: well, maybe we wouldn’t make fun of him if he learned how to walk right and stopped eating so much.

I was chatting with the head of finance and happened to tell him about how the production manager sat me down for a quick how to on accounting so that I could better understand why they were throwing out a certain set of parts.

mike d: “I learned some accounting from Larry today.”
Jim: “oh no. what’d he teach you?”
mike d: “Just general stuff. perhaps I should just leave it at that.”
Jim: “that’s like my saying that I learned electrical engineering from my Bazooka gum comics.”

Mark: Carlos supposedly got the scar on his nose from being hit by a bat.
Jesse: That doesn’t suprise me.
Mark: Yeah, Carlos is a rough character.
Jesse: Though, he seems kind of fluffy. Do you know what I mean?
Mark: yeah, he does seem fluffy. but he’s definitely not fluffy.
Jesse: he’s got fluffy hair.
Mark: he grew up in the hood. he’s not fluffy underneath it all.
Jesse: well, it’s the kind of fluffy hair that you could hide a switchblade in.

2:13 AM

ring.ring.
ring.ring.

ugh… hello?

MIKE D! it’s Sander!

hey Sander… what’s up?

DUDE, I’m here with JACLYN. she wants to mother your CHILD

awesome.

SERIOUSLY. SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, LIKE, EVERY MINUTE.

of course she does.

I mean: EVERY MINUTE

i’m sure. I think I’m going to go back to bed now

Were you SLEEPING!?!?

yup.

Alright MIKE D. You Should go back to BED! Maybe in the morning you’ll forgive this DRUNKEN phone call. WOOO!

bye Sander.

LATER MIKE D!

Boss (looking out window): Did you see my new car?
mike d: which one is it?
Boss: The one in the far corner.
mike d: whoa, did you get a good deal?
Boss: yeah, the guy tried to screw me at first. . . but then I pulled out my programmable calculator.

mike d: Wow, it’s a beautiful day.
Galecki: yeah, I’d rather be doing something else today
mike d: Anything else.
Galecki: pretty much. Except maybe walking on broken glass shards.

mike d: Today the boss came into my office to ask me a question
Jesse: Bruce Springsteen?

Jill and I were standing in the checkout line at a Mens Clothing store. Jill noticed a cologne on the rack named Pi.

Jill: ooh look. Pi cologne.
mike d: neat. That’s about as geeky as a cologne can get. I like it.
Jill: I wonder what it smells like. numbers? Calculators?

I finally put together all my finances and handed in a HUGE packet of receipts, print outs, and forms to my boss.

mike d: “Tom, I’ve finally put my expense reports together.” (pulls out huge stack of papers and throws them on desk)
Tom: “oh God!”
mike d: “this one’s from Kentucky, this one’s from Georgia, this is another one from Georgia, and these two are phone bills from last October and August respectively.”
Doug (from adjacent cube): “tell him that you were planning on investing in gas futures with the money before the explosion in Texas and that for every day that passes until he gets your refund, you are demanding 500% interest to compensate for lost profits”

mike d: did you see my mikedidonato.com wallpaper?
jill: yeah. you have no mouth
mike d: I put the mouth in, and decided it looked weird. so I took it out.
jill: you also look weirdly fat.
mike d: I was suppose to look muscular.
jill: nope. fat.

mike d: the weather is really nice. the sun is shining and there’s a light breeze.
mom: wow, that sounds great! It’s freezing here and there’s 4 feet of snow on the ground.
mike d: hey! a butterfly just flew by!
mom: hey! a frozen bird just fell from the tree!

I just sneezed twice in rapid succession.

Voice from over the cubes: Gazuntite! (sp)
mike d: (recovering) whew. Thank you very much.
Voice from over the cubes: Was that a sneeze?
mike d: yes, it was two actually.
Voice from over the cubes: is that a cold? or are you allergic to something?
mike d: Actually, I have no idea why I just sneezed.
Voice from over the cubes: That’s really interesting, because there used to be a guy who worked in your cube who would sneeze twice every day at 2 o’clock. you could set your watch to it… Although you’re a few minutes early.
mike d: I’ll work to fix that.

For the past few days I’ve spent my time working on the manufacturing floor learning about some of the errors that I had incorporated into my most recent mechanical design. I went up to check on the welder. Larry and Rich were there. Recently we determined that my reinforced steel frame supported by M12 (huge bolts) design was WAY over engineered, now it seems they were concerned about my frame covers.

(paraphrased)
Rich: have you taken a look at your frame covers?
(aside: frame covers are thin pieces of aluminum that protect the operator from harmful magnetic fields generated in the cabinet)
mike d: where are they?

rich points me to the table were the covers are.
mike d: they look good.
Larry: If you want to bulletproof the welder, then yes.

(aside: the plates are about 9.5mm thick. Normal thickness is 3mm. The jokes begin.)

Larry: We also usually try to contour the edges of extension frames to match the welder.
mike d: well, I was going for a more boxy modern look.
Larry: like that of a tank? do you want to support these with M12s too?
mike d: nah, let’s use M14s. those old ones were flimsy anyway.
Rich: One of them doesn’t fit either. So I think we’ll have to make new ones anyway.
mike d: we can send these old ones out to Iraq to help armor the vehicles
Rich: good idea. let’s send them to the troops.
mike d: Go America!

There’s something special about engineering humor.

while discussing one of the more conservative priests at my local parish

mom: and some people don’t like how strict he is with his refusal to marry couples that live together. now, I think it’s important to stand by your convictions. If you start letting one or two things slip the next thing you know, you’re Episcopalian!

last night as we were leaving the rock climbing gym…

mike d: “(somewhat jokingly) if you have to use the bathroom, use it now so we don’t use up our toilet paper at home.”
Jesse: ::laughs:: “I think this is what Jill was talking about when she said there’s a thin line between being cheap and being anal. We could just steal a roll of toilet paper, it’s right there” points to stack of toilet paper.
mike d: ::laughs:: “I don’t condone stealing. I’m just saying…”
Jesse: “I suppose if we use the facilities here for their intended purpose, that’s not really being cheap. I’m going to use an exorbitant amount of paper towels to clean my hands ::pulls out five or six paper towels:: and if I happen to take the unused sheets home with me ::his sentence fades as he begins putting paper towels in his pockets::”

the state of the house

mom: Mike, did you get the leak fixed?
mike d: the gas leak?
mom: no th-
mike d: the furnace leak?
mom: no…
mike d: the water leak?

moments ago…

mike d: “man I’m hungry. what time is it?”
co-worker Frank: “you’re hungry? it must be five minutes after lunch.”

Pete, a sales guy here at work, has an immaculate desk.

It’s pristine.

The solid wood workspace has an empty ‘in’ box and one or two short piles of papers neatly stacked; each topped with a single smooth stone.

mike d: Pete. how do you keep your desk so clean?
Pete: Oh, I have this box here. ::pulls out a box the size of a small refrigerator from under his desk:: When I get paper I just throw it in here. An inch of paper is equivalent to about a week. ::reaches in and pulls out thick stack of completely unorganized paper::
See? Three weeks.

I was complaining about our Dial-up modem here at my rent’s home when my father said:

Dad: “your mother does a lot of shopping online. and really, I don’t want to speed that process up.”

to which my mother responded by firing off their Discover card number and expiration date by memory.

Jesse: so all we need to secure the house is an insurance company. I know someone in the Insurance industry I’ll see if they can get us a good deal.
mike d: I’m glad you’re Italian, and that you “know people”
Jesse: I’ve always said, it’s all about who you know. And you know me. Lucky you.

My boss and the head of accounting quietly make fun of my sideburns as I sit working diligently in front of them.

mike d: “you know, I’m surprised Pam was the one that quit.”
Boss: “I always knew she was the smarter one.”

Indian co-worker Vishal: we also add a type of nut. it’s sweet.
mike d: cashew?
V: nope. definitely not a cashew.
coworker Galecki: you sure it’s a nut?
V: yes. it’s a nut. it’s sweet and a bit soft on the inside
mike d: almond? pecan? you’re sure it’s a nut?
V: it’s a nut, I don’t remember the word for it
Galecki: walnut?
V: no. it has a liquid on the inside.
mike d: Liquid on the inside?!?
coworker Pam: Coconut?!
V: no. it’s not a coconut. I’ll show you a picture later you can tell me the word for it.
mike d: you sure it’s a nut? if you show us a picture of broccoli I’m going to rag on you to no end.
V: ::laughs:: yes. I’m sure it’s a nut. it’s sweet and soft on the inside.
Galecki: and it’s not a cashew? cashews are kind of sweet and put into lots of foods.
V: no, it’s not a cashew.
mike d: peanut?
V: no…
Pam: wait… a raisin?
V: Yes. that’s it. It’s a raisin.
mike d: V, that’s not a nut. it’s a dried fruit.
V: yes, dried fruit.

stunned silence.

mike d: you know that raisins are dried grapes.
V: yes I knew that.
::pause::
V: oh wait, no I didn’t know that.

We deal with this every single day.

Pam walks up to me urgently.

Pam: so, if the red sox game is tonight… and the lunar eclipse is tonight… what’s going to happen to the game when everything gets dark?
mike d: ::stares at Pam blankly::
Pam: they have lights don’t they.

3 points for anyone who can guess Pam’s hair color!