#3: Resume Paper and Bloody Murder

The Question

To the All-Encompassing Shaun McQuaid,

Recently, I was helping a friend create a majestic resume. When we were done I went to print it when she screamed ‘bloody murder!’ and scolded me for not using “Resume Paper”. What purpose does resume paper have? Why does it have an annoying watermark on it? Is it proof that you are not a lazy bum and can in fact travel to the store and purchase office supplies on one’s own? And why do girls without touretts syndrome feel the need to scream ‘bloody murder!’ when a simple “Hey dude, hold on one gosh darn minute there, Bucko” would be more audically (haha i made up a word….i think…its still pretty audical) appealing?

Your friendly neighborhood New Hampshirian,

Comment by Paul — 9/22/2004 @ 12:01 pm

The Answer

The controversy on whether resume paper is a good idea is currently raging in the fields of resume writing experts (meaning people who get fired a lot and people who sell resumes). There are two schools of thought on this; the “it’s an outdated idea” camp and the “it draws attention” camp. The argument against bothering with resume paper says that in this modern world, nobody cares what paper you use. The argument for it states that it shows you are “serious” about the job.

My answer is this: if you are applying for a job via a paper resume, and you believe your resume will be seen by a human being (instead of being scanned by a computer for keywords and accepted or discarded on that basis), it’s worth the time and effort to print it on something nice. Not because that makes the resume more interesting to someone, but on the sole basis that the person looking at it might expect it to be on fancy shmancy paper. And yes, it shows you are motivated enough to get said paper at the closest paper selling depot.

Why a watermark? Because the company who made the paper is selfish enough to brand each and every piece with a logo. Interestingly enough, the watermark isn’t made with water – it’s simply made when the paper is in the “watery gook” stage of production (hence the term watermark.

Apparently the issue is of such importance to the female in question that she jumped straight to the “bloody murder” expressive state. Here’s the general resume-writing anger stages:

Normal speech
Sarcastic-but-not-cruel speech
Sarcastic speech + eye rolling
Angry speech
Angry yelling
Angry yelling + arm waving
Bloody murder

You simply fell prey to a strong believer in the resume paper need – so strong, that “bloody murder” was necessitated. Better luck next time!

8 thoughts on “#3: Resume Paper and Bloody Murder

  • 12/12/2007 at 6:38 pm

    you make good point. I used LINK BUSTED and they have some nice eBook on resume writing even for free members…keep up the good work!


    X’d out for Spam-ness – Management.

  • 12/12/2007 at 9:03 pm

    woah….this spam is tricksy. it almost has good english.

  • 12/14/2007 at 8:19 am

    Not only that, it actually is on subject. Smart spam. It’s both smart and smarmy. It wears a mask of friendly helpfulness – but it’s a thin mask, barely concealing the overpowering arrogance of someone who believes that NONE OF US could construct a resume without the assistance of “Resume Builder”. I, for one, am not deceived.

  • 12/23/2008 at 4:45 pm

    It goes to the blind obedience of obeying ‘absolute rules” when it comes to resumes. Rules about resume paper, and other so-called “resume rules”, get burned into people’s mind. Unfortunately, most the rules do not make a whole lot of difference and I am pretty sure most companies are not summarily eliminating people over paper choice.

    Content is far more important. You can have great paper, but if you have lousy content, forget it. Ultimately, you need to know what gets interviews.

  • 12/25/2008 at 12:45 pm

    I print my resumes exclusively on old parchment from the late 1800’s (1888-1897) because I find it has the best “tooth”.


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