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90’s Acclaim

from Ben.

Tomorrow, the Acclaim to Fame will be taken to a better place. A place where the sun always shines, the gas tank is always full, and oil changes are free.

My dearest Acclaim, I salute you.

In the beginning of time the sun looked hopefully down to Earth. It saw there, amongst the creatures of earth, sea, and sky a bird so beautiful that it could be compared with none other. It was the Phoenix.

“Phoenix, you are a bird more beautiful than all others. You shall live forever.”

The Phoenix sang with joy and praised the sun. She beat her fire red wings and danced through the sky. But the world envied the bird and constantly bothered her with its problems. So the Phoenix set off, flying east towards the rising sun, until she found a quiet sacred desert where she found peace and tranquility.

Many years passed. Some say five hundred others a thousand. And the Phoenix lived on, singing and dancing for the sun. But she grew weary and tired with age. One day she sang out to the sun:

“oh glorious sun, make me young and strong yet again!”

but the sun did not hear the Phoenix’s song. So she flew west to where she was first born. It was a slow long journey because the beautiful bird was burdened with age. So along the way she collected spices of cinnamon and nestled them between her feathers and upon reaching the tree where the sun first proclaimed her immortal, the Phoenix built a mighty nest of cinnamon and leaves. She blessed the nest and found some myrrh seeping from a nearby tree from which she molded a beautiful egg. The Phoenix sat on the egg and sang out to the sun again.

“oh glorious sun, make me young and strong yet again!”

This time the sun heard, and shined down so ferociously that all the other animals had to hide from the burning rays. The clouds parted and the sea receded. But the Phoenix raised her head and bright red and yellow wings and she burst into flames.

As the sun’s harsh rays eased, the clouds returned. Then the sea. And finally the animals and life that populated the plains. They saw there a tree and nest that had not been touched with fire. A perfect pile of silver ashes lay within the nest. And soon those ashes began to tremble. A Phoenix quietly pushed her way out from deep within those ashes. The Phoenix grew and spread her wings and sang out in praise of the sun.

She then found the egg of myrrh, now hollow, and carried it to a temple where she honored the bright sun.

Once the ritual was complete, the Phoenix returned to the quiet desert and found peace once again.

My friends, I present to you The Phoenix:

“The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune’s spite; revive from ashes and rise.”
-Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

I really want to give up the internet. I want to rid myself of DrMcNinja.com and cnn and heaps of wasted hours on YouTube.

Unfortunately, I really like having this website. So I fear that I’m at least partially stuck. There’s a little bit of irony in there somewhere, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

In order to aid me in my anti-internet quest, I think I’m going to remove the computer from my bedroom proper and place it back in the huddles of my closet. Then, I will attempt to only use common room computers on a daily basis at the House of Rock. Perhaps I’ll make the big move tonight.

Other news:
Someone we all know and love may be coming back into our lives very very soon… that’s all I can say for now. Stay tuned for more exciting information.

I’m a slow driver. I try to stay around 60 on the highway and around 40 on sub-highway roads. I also accelerate slowly. One might call it a crawl. I’m taking data to see how many miles per gallon I can get. This last fill up I hit 34 mpg in the Nissan Ultima and it felt great!

The down side of this is that the world hates me.

And when I say “hate” I mean “hate“. I don’t think a day passes when I don’t get scowls, horns, gestures, or harsh words. As I see it, there are three types of honks. 1) the ‘Lookout! my car is here!’ 2) the ‘just thought I’d let you know the light has turned green… in case you got distracted’ and 3) the ‘I hate you because you’re in my way’

1 and 2 are usually pretty well recieved. It’s 3 that’s a kicker. Why the hatred folks? I mean you no harm. What I’ve noticed is that the number 3 honks never really happen on the highway. As long as slow folks like me stick to the slow lane, fast folks like you can zip around and dart all you like. No one’s bothered.

BUT… on one or two lane roads with lots of lights, the fury is exposed. Remarkably, the extra speed of those drivers around me rarely helps. Usually they just zip ahead so they can reach the red light first, then I coast up to them and have to deal with more of their rage.

So, if you happen to be one of those folks that honks at slow drivers, realize that we don’t intentionally mean to cause you grief. Try and understand that we prefer to live life without the rush and hustle and are hoping to save a few dollars here and there.

*disclaimer below
(more…)

Let’s suppose you owned a little puppy named Donald. Donald’s cute. Donald’s loveable. Donald’s comfortable. And Donald has been with you faithfully for 10 years and many miles.

One day, you find Donald suffering in the garage. You take him to the vet and find out he probably needs some transmission work. Replacing his filter and giving him lots of fluids doesn’t seem to help.

1) Do you take your favorite little dog to the vet and get an expensive surgery?
2) Do you agree that there’s probably just a bunch of illnesses down the road so you count your pennies and decide to let him rest in peace.
3) Or do you whip out your wrenches and your Haynes “How to repair Donald” book and trade punches with the Grim Reaper.

Comments/suggestions are welcome.

Something’s wrong with the Acclaim. she’s having a tough time switching from first into second gear. I checked the Transmission Fluid level this morning. no problem there… so, it looks like this weekend will be spent jacking up the Acclaim and exploring the Transmission. Galecki pointed out that the problem might be a clogged Transmission Fluid Filter, and car maintenance websites seem to agree that that is a possibility.

Thankfully, The Benchwarming White Whale of Nissan Justice should be registered by Saturday. So if the problem is more severe than a filter alone, extended downtime shouldn’t be a problem.

The Acclaim’s Thermostat is fixed.

The Acclaim’s Thermostat is broken.

The ‘backup car’ plan is moving forward! Provided all works out with the salvaged title information, I will be purchasing Jocelyn’s white ‘97 Nissan Altima within the next month or so.

Don’t worry, this is not the end of the Acclaim to Fame. This second vehicle will serve as a means for me to do repairs on the Acclaim when she suffers without the stress of needing to borrow a car, or bum rides off my friends.

The problem is, I need a name for the new car. Something powerful and definitive like Kurt’s THE DIVA, Shaun McQuaid’s BLACKHOLE, or Sander’s THE CHARIOT. Something that works best when capitalized.

Right now I’m thinking THE DICTATOR.
or THE NISSAN ALTIMAMA. (THE ALTIMAMA for short)

other ideas include:
IRON WHEEL.
THE TITAN.
THE SCORPION.
STEEL JUSTICE.

your suggestions and comments are welcome!

I drove the acclaim to work today.

After a wild week last week, I was doing a final inspection of the Acclaim friday night when I noticed something unnerving. There was a huge leak in the brake lines. The kind of leak that made a mini-Niagra whenever the brake pedal was pressed. Being that I had a full weekend planned, I caved in and brought it to my favorite brake place. They were able to finish everything up by this morning and the acclaim was triumphant on the ride to work this morning.

I still need to do some clean up work. I wasn’t able to tighten a few of the bolts as much as I would like… and the oil needs changing. But I think the car will do just fine until the weekend. Heavens I love that car. Despite last week, she’s been so reliable for the 8 years that I’ve had the opportunity to drive her. I love that car.

11:30pm Thursday February 9th, 2006

The aching twist of a compressing spring cut through the quiet lull within the garage of disco as the Acclaim to Fame was lowered from her raised perch. After pushing tools aside and checking and rechecking connections, I rushed inside and gave JonAbad a tentative thumbs up.

mike d: we’re ready.
jonabad: we’re ready?
mike d: we’re ready.

JonAbad zipped up his mechanics suit and I grabbed the fire extinguishers. Jon threw on some safety goggles as we entered the garage. There she was. Not unlike some sort of mechanical aphrodite. I opened the garage door.

mike d: worst case scenario, the fuel line in the back comes undone and starts spraying gasoline everywhere… but I think we’ll be okay
jonabad: why’d you open the garage?
mike d: if the car errupts in flame, I’m going to try and coast her into the driveway so that we don’t burn down the garage.
jonabad: right.

I climbed into the drivers seat. I asked if JonAbad was ready. He stood, like a stormtrooper, fire extinguisher aimed and ready.

She started on the first try.

JonAbad started running around the car checking for leaks. I let her run for about 30 seconds then shut her off.

The process was repeated a second time. I wanted to drive her into the driveway, but a new problem became evident. The Parking Brake does not disengage.

I don’t think the parking brake problem will be a tough one to crack. But it made victory a little less sweet. Still, the acclaim runs. And will dominate the roadways once again.

The Acclaim is slowly coming together. Last night I successfully installed the new fuel pump… so now comes the super difficult task of putting the car back together. The problem lies in the fact that as I was removing the gas tank, the studs that hold the gas tank on snapped off.

tonight I will attempt to drill out or extract the busted studs and tap new holes for some fresh hardware. Then tomorrow I’ll reassemble the beast, lower her to the ground, get a friend or two to stand ready with a couple fire extinguishers, and I will start the car.

That’s the plan. we’ll see what really happens.

In other news…. Jon did some magical stuff with the website to speed it up. And i’ve made a new Acclaim to Fame catagory, as I suspect many more adventures in the future.

I love my car.