I have an idea.

It’s 2am.

You’ve gotta be up for a 6am meeting. Your mind is ablaze with graphs, figures, and balance sheets. Clients depend on your punctuality and your ruthless business acumen… but 6am is a formidable foe. Even with your clock set to Buzz you’re worried about mindlessly dreaming through its caustic scream. It’s happened before and it’ll happen again… except now you’ve got Mike D’s patented caffeine timed release pills.

Down a pill. It simmers in your stomach for a defined time period as your stomach acid slowly erodes the pill’s hard (delicious) candy shell. And then? Sweet morning victory. A tender wash of caffeine escapes and finds the nearest platelet highway to your brain.

Like a lost loved one returning unannounced, it greets you with a warm affectionate embrace. The glow of the dawn sun is mirrored in the rosy flush of your cheeks. Your eyes open and your lips tighten to a smile.

Yes, Mike D’s patented caffeine timed release pills give you the energy you need to escape your cocoon of blankets to get your next hit at the coffee machine. There’s no hour of the day that needs to be lived without caffeine’s reassuring touch. Mike D’s patented caffeine pills give you the pleasure of rebelling against the slavery that is sleep.

Set yourself free.

Set yourself free.

8 thoughts on “I have an idea.

  • 4/16/2010 at 10:43 am
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    Time-release pills sound incredibly difficult, because you’d need different bottles for 5-hour delay vs 4-hour delay, etc. Now, an automatic insulin-pump-type device that puts the caffeine (or the stimulant of your choice) directly in your bloodstream at 6AM… that is a winner.

    Reply
    • 4/16/2010 at 10:45 am
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      perhaps you’re right. Like an armband of wakedness.

      Yes… Yes.

      A nicotine patch for the weary.

      Reply
  • 4/16/2010 at 11:46 am
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    “Mike D’s patented caffeine timed release pills”

    ah, but you’ve made this public disclosure without referencing your patent application, so Pfizer is free to steal this out from under you!

    Reply
  • 4/16/2010 at 3:50 pm
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    Is it just me, or does this sound like a great opportunity for an MSPaint Rube Goldberg device?

    Reply
    • 4/16/2010 at 5:55 pm
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      ahh! it could start by brewing the coffee, then if you don’t wake up, it pours the scalding hot coffee on you, ensuring you get out of bed!

      Reply

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