Like nails on a chalkboard

There are a whole bunch of things that bother the heck out of me. Things like the sound of other people chewing and the look of yogurt (it’s so strange looking!)

But right up there on the top of the list is when airline passengers get up before the seatbelt light goes out. The airplane lands and the steward or stewardess comes over the loudspeaker and pleasantly welcomes the passengers to their destination. This is often times followed with a quick weather report and a time update if you’re flying between time zones.

And then the flight attendant says something along the lines of “we are now taxing to our gate, please remain in your seats and keep your seatbelts buckled until we have come to a complete stop and the seatbelt light is turned off.”

And invariably, when the plane begins to slow down there is the telling “click click click” of seatbelts unbuckling. Sometimes the passengers are even so bold as to stand up and start retrieving their bags.

UGH!

There have only been two moments of triumph for this irritation. The first, when a small luggage carrying truck zipped in front of the plane and happened to drop a bag. The plane LURCHED violently to a stop and startled gasps were followed by the RE-clicking of seatbelts.

The second, when a mother unclicked her belt on this recent trip to Guadalajara. Her kids did the same, and immediately started running up the aisle. They were harshly scolded by a flight attendant and the mother clearly felt put down.

I think this particular headache of mine comes from my really liking rules. I like rules and I like when they are followed.

20 thoughts on “Like nails on a chalkboard

  • 8/4/2007 at 9:41 pm
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    Bless you, sir. There seem to be so few like you and so many of those you describe. I have been a flight attendant for 18 years. Most of the “rules” that passengers are politely “asked” to comply with are actually federal LAWS ! Unfastening one’s seatbelt at anytime (during flight, during taxi) for any reason whatsoever is a violation of several different laws. There are so many reasons for these laws, even those that seem innane to many, and because we now have so many procedures in place that are security related, we are unable to explain the rationale behind the rules (this is actual “need to know” top secret stuff). Not that it would matter, it seems folks just have their own agenda: “To hell with your rules, it’s all about me!” They are often so brazen and utterly shameless. I feel embarrassed for them. Unfortunately, I have the unpleasant responsibility of enforcing the laws. Many members of today’s traveling public know so little about our safety and security duties and see us as some sort of sad college dropouts (not true in most cases – quite the opposite actually, many of us are highly educated) who shleps cokes and blankets.
    Well, thanks for giving me a bit of hope that some of my passengers are actually responsible, respectful, and on my side. Perhaps we’ll meet in the sky one day where we can formulate a master solution to our society’s lack of respect for authority!

    Chris

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  • 8/5/2007 at 12:19 pm
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    Are you one of the early seatbelt unbucklers Ted?!? Gah!

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  • 8/5/2007 at 12:22 pm
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    We may sit quietly and remain mostly unnoticed, but I assure Mr. Flight attendant… there are those of us who appreciate your flight leadership.

    My friend Alicia suggested that perhaps I make a citizen’s arrest next time a fellow passenger unbuckles his/her seatbelt during taxi.

    I think this would be excellent.

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  • 8/5/2007 at 1:17 pm
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    Dear Mike D,
    you are the biggest tool I know.
    Ever.

    Love,

    Sander

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  • 8/5/2007 at 7:14 pm
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    I hope you fall and break your neck when you unbuckle your seatbelt and stand up early.

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  • 8/5/2007 at 9:58 pm
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    Look, I’m a fan of some rules.
    Like, “keep right except to pass.” AKA the “get the hell outta my way” rule.
    But the fasten seatbelt sign? They don’t turn it off until way after you’ve stopped moving. And even if you get up early? Oooooh no, the plane is moving like 2 mph, putting you in slightly less danger than walking at normal speed, and the person in front of you stopping suddenly. Somebody might break a hip!
    Some other rules I AM a fan of: No smoking in bars, restaurants, etc. That’s all I can think of right now…
    But now some more restrictive “rules” I’m not a fan of: No chewing gum in school, no wearing hats during the national anthem, no wearing hawaiian shirts to funerals, no alcohol before noon, no re-animating corpses, bla bla bla.
    America is, particularly having just read Mike D’s illuminating cab driver conversation post, awfully restrictive for all it’s been touted as (and was founded on).
    Where have you gone, topless car insurance commercials?

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  • 8/5/2007 at 10:41 pm
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    The fasten seat belt sign is more of a way for the airlines to cover their butt’s in the case that Average Joe Grandma gets up to early and then falls down proceeding to break her hip/spine/face/kidney/pride and then sues the airline because they didn’t tell her that she had to have her seatbelt on. It’s akin to the person that sued McDonald’s because there wasn’t a warning on their coffee telling them that it was hot…

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  • 8/6/2007 at 9:41 am
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    Lawsuits are bringing this country down. Since when does stupidity deserve a reward?

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  • 8/6/2007 at 11:38 am
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    There’s not point in standing up early anyway. Everyone stands up ASAP and then has to wait for the everyone to deplane. It annoys me when people try to rush off the plane before the doors are even opened.

    I just turn my iPod back on and rock out a little longer (sitting), while everyone stands up and waits and looks grumpy.

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  • 8/9/2007 at 6:36 am
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    Exactly! Holy crap that annoys me. Or any other situation where you obviously aren’t going anywhere fast… like the people who go gas-brake-gas-brake in stop-go traffic on the interstate. Just relax! You aren’t getting to your destination any quicker.

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  • 8/9/2007 at 11:13 am
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    Oh come on now, you’ve never unclicked that belt before the plane eases inextolerably slowly into its parking space? When I’m sitting in that hot cramped seat, it seems as though a snail could park faster, and all I want to do is GET OUT of the plane. I unclick as the plane rolls in because it feels like I’m that much closer to leaving the plane. I don’t stand up until the lights come on, but I do stand, so as to avoid being hit by people’s bags and rear ends (I always take the aisle seat if I can), even if it means that I have to stand with my head hunched down to avoid the luggage compartment above.

    Also I never realized there were so many people bothered by the noise of chewing – you, Ryan and my friend marie makes three people I know who can’t stand it. I didn’t even notice people made noises when they ate until Ryan started giving me an icy glare every time I chewed “too loudly”. Unfortunately, now I really notice when others are chewing loudly (now that I’m not an offensive chewer anymore, supposedly) and it’s starting to bother me too.

    I don’t like moldy smelly sponges, I hate extremely high pitched noises like the sound of a finger rubbing on teeth and i don’t like it when people leave milky cereal bowls out on the counter.

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  • 8/9/2007 at 1:22 pm
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    Chewing doesn’t bother me, but slurping does(especially apple slurpers). And people who smack their gum.

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  • 8/10/2007 at 12:39 pm
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    I always sit window. And I’m 6’4″. If I were to “stand” before the doors open, I would need a good chiropractor.

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  • 8/13/2007 at 7:06 pm
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    YES. I hate chewing, slurping, gumming. Pretty much every mouth noise drives me crazy. (Including ones produced by Bobby McFerrin)

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  • 8/14/2007 at 9:03 am
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    What about kissing noises?

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  • 8/14/2007 at 3:45 pm
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    Uuuugh. Big, sloppy, disgusting kissing noises. No thanks.

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  • 8/14/2007 at 3:51 pm
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    Oh MAN I am so with you on this.

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  • 8/15/2007 at 9:46 am
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    so….you don’t kiss anyone? ever?

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  • 8/15/2007 at 9:47 am
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    From what Ruth’s told me he blares Hardcore Deathmetal over the boombox whenever he and Ruth make out.

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