11 thoughts on “Official news

  • 2/2/2007 at 8:45 am

    So to a kung fu ignorant commoner such as myself, what does Green Belt mean in terms of the number of ninjas you can defeat in 60 seconds?

  • 2/2/2007 at 8:55 am

    Congrats dude!

    Perhaps now you’ll have the skill/strength to release yourself from my Wrist Lock of Death next time we spar.

  • 2/2/2007 at 11:21 am

    Good question Roland. The number of ninjas that one can defeat in 60 seconds really encapsulates the goal of every martial artist. Let’s take a walk through the kung fu belt order and analyze each level individually.

    Yellow Belt: Named for the color of fear, this belt symbolizes your complete and utter dominance by any ninjas that you encounter. There’s a good chance that any ninja could defeat 20-25 Yellow belts in a 60 second time period.

    Gold Belt: one would think the ability of those trained to Gold belt level would improve ones chances against a ninja. Not so good readers. I think Gold belts have learned just enough so that if a ninja attacked they would try to use good form and lose opportunities to strike. This would quickly result in their complete annihilation. I think a good ninja could probably defeat 30 gold belts in 60 seconds.

    Orange Belt: Things are finally sinking in at Orange belt. I think by this belt you’d still get defeated by a ninja. Perhaps one ninja would only be able to take 15 Orange belts.

    Jade Belt: Yes. Finally things come to order. Sparring classes start. Leg’s are awkward against ninjas as they have only been used against pads. Here a distinction becomes evident between students: Who are the natural fighters, who are the naturally uncomfortable. A ninja could probably defeat 4 Jade belts in 60 seconds.

    Green Belt: I think a trained green belt could defeat a ninja apprentice. If matched up against a bonefied ninja, he might last 60 seconds but would probably be defeated soon after.

    Purple Belt: Purple belts are trained in using a bow staff. A purple belt could probably have a decent fight with a ninja and may or may not win. Unless he had his bow staff, then he’d kick the crap out of the ninja.*

    Blue Belt: I know very little about this belt except that at this stage the student begins to get deadly. I think a blue belt would be a solid match for an average Ninja. Maybe 2 ninjas.

    Red Belt: This is where kung fu gets dangerous. The red is for blood. Ninja blood. I think a red belt could defeat 3-4 ninjas in 60 seconds.

    Brown Belt: 5-10 ninjas in 60 seconds.

    Advanced Brown Belt: 15 ninjas in 60 seconds.

    Black first degree: I have never not been impressed with a black belt. I think a black belt at my academy could easily defeat 20 ninjas in 60 seconds.

    Black Belt 2nd Degree: 30 ninjas in 60 seconds. Mind you, that’s a dropped ninja every two seconds.

    Black Belt 3rd Degree: The only limit is the number of ninjas within reach.

    So there you have it. My rudimentary rating of tat wong kung fu and how an artist would be able to fair in a battle against single or multiple ninjas.

    *at this level we are assuming that the ninja does not have shurikens

  • 2/2/2007 at 8:57 pm

    My friend is a black belt in karate. I have always suspected she was capable of taking on multiple ninjas and now I have been proved right.

    (btw this is possibly one of the most awesomest things you have ever written on MikeD.com. Seriously. So awesome.)

  • 2/2/2007 at 9:04 pm

    Karate probably pales in comparison to Kung Fu. So you probably have to divide those numbers by two.

  • 2/2/2007 at 9:14 pm

    Even with that calculation, she could still beat your ass ;)

  • 2/3/2007 at 1:23 pm

    Interesting reading there. So if I ever need someone taught a lesson, I can call on Mike D. or Roland’s friend the black belt. Cool. It’s nice to have connections.

  • 2/7/2007 at 4:36 pm

    I’m dangerous!
    No, really I am!


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