Don’t mess with mike d’s food.

last night I went food shopping. I was in the produce section filling up one of those little plastic bags with broccoli crowns, when I turned around and my shopping cart was gone.

Did someone take my food?

Instead there was another cart, with different food; notably, a pineapple and a bag full of poorly chosen bananas. I looked around, no one was in sight.

Was my food abducted?

I hastily rushed down the aisles surrounding the produce section. nothing…? I only had my back turned for a moment, how could someone have so skillfully switched carts with me. I speed walked down aisle after aisle looking in people’s carts. Wait! There! by the toothpaste. A cart filled with produce including two ripe bananas and a bag of 8 perfect oranges.

“excuse me, I don’t mean to be a bother,” I said, “but I think you may have taken my cart by mistake?”
“oh! I’m sorry! I do that all the time,” the confused woman replied, “where did I leave mine?”
“back in produce.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. produce… imagine that.”

I really don’t know how she was so speedy in escaping the produce section. Perhaps my broccoli selection process is more in depth than I imagined, or perhaps this cart switch was no mistake at all. Perhaps she recognized my superior skills in the art of produce selection and wanted to rob me of the highest quality fruits and veggies. If so, she underestimated the bond I share with my cart. I am a shopping fiend.

11 thoughts on “Don’t mess with mike d’s food.

  • 3/23/2005 at 10:33 am
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    But she would have lost her pineapple. I honestly beleive it was a mistake. Perhaps she was drunk. How could she make Pina Coladas without her pineapple?!?! How I ask you, HOW!?!?!?!?!

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  • 3/23/2005 at 10:48 am
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    Nice story. But even better is that the entire post now shows up on my RSS feed. Good work!

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  • 3/23/2005 at 10:50 am
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    Yes, I’m proud to say that I found the appropriate ‘check box’ and checked it.

    I rock this party.

    now I just have to fix the weird stuff that pops up everytime anyone posts.

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  • 3/23/2005 at 11:49 am
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    This happened to me recently too, only I was in the meat section debating about what kind of meat to get. now, it takes me a long time to decide if I want hamburg or steak or whatever, and I get very focused, so mentally I was in the “meat choosing zone” at the time of the incident. When I turned around and my cart was gone, I was totally disoriented. I questioned whether I had even started with a cart. Did I? Then I scanned the crowd and wandered up and down the meat freezer in confusion. Then i saw it: my cart, by the peanuts. It was a great relief, as it confirmed that I was indeed sane.

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  • 3/23/2005 at 1:05 pm
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    I don’t have this problem since i’m at the store so often that a basket is all i carry but someone ought to invent some sort of shopping cart lojack device that yells for help when it gets too far away from you.

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  • 3/23/2005 at 1:29 pm
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    Or maybe put one of those kid harness thingie’s on the cart, so if someone tries to yoink your cart you get yoinked along with the carriage. sounds like a darned good idea. I just patented it.

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  • 3/23/2005 at 2:53 pm
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    Dude, that’s NOT a pina colada. BBC = wrong. Anyway, I never have the cart problem because I do small amounts of shopping with a basket. Sometimes my basket gets way too heavy, though.

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  • 3/23/2005 at 3:44 pm
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    That cook is a moron. And secondly it is the BBC, which implies the British Nation is behind that horrible horrible concoction that they call a “Pina Colada”. A pina colada is about as un-British as you can get. Secondly, who has ever heard of a Pina Colada without Rum in it. Baileys? C’mon just cause the Irish know how to make drinks doesn’t mean you can steal their drink Queen Mum. And thirdly can you trust a country whose future King has ears the size of Dumbo? No. I rest my case. your witness.

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  • 3/23/2005 at 4:46 pm
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    The kid harness sounds like a good low tech solution but I think it would be better if it was like “STEP AWAY FROM THE CART. GET YOUR OWN PRODUCE.”

    And Pina Colada without pinapple is crap.

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  • 3/24/2005 at 10:02 am
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    Maybe hook up a little bag you carry when you go grocery shopping to the cart. and by bag I mean car battery. So the hopeful thief will be floored by the attempt. Cause if an exploding car battery is any example of how ppowerful a jolt you can get from one of them let me tell you, they pack quite a few jigawatts. For more info in jiga watts visit the Defy Shaun McQuaid on this site.

    Reply

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