The most frustrating thing about watching football: Advertisements.
The second most frustrating thing about watching football: When there’s a fumble and all the members of both teams confidently point their arms as if they had recovered the ball, long before the pile of bodies has been deconstructed.
Although I suppose it’s not that different from when I’m bowling and despite the pending fall of my ball into the gutter, I desperately twist and flail my body to will some miraculous alternative.
There does seem to be a strange correlation between Eric Carle baby books and the seven deadly sins. Let’s take a look:
The Grouchy Ladybug – Wrath
The Very Hungry Caterpillar – Gluttony
“Slowly, Slowly, Slowly,” said the Sloth – Sloth
The Greedy Python – Greed
The Tiny Seed – Pride
The Very Lonely Firefly/The Mixed-Up Chameleon – Envy
The Very Busy Spider – Lust
Actually, I think the Very Busy Spider might be about a hardworking spider that builds a beautiful web. But the other comparisons are pretty dead on.
I’ve started using Handkerchiefs. Apart from the trivial uniqueness surrounding their fairly rare “DK” letter combination*, Handkerchiefs provide a service that is vastly underappreciated.
Here’s what you need to know.
- Handkerchiefs are not gross – there are some simple but clever folding patterns which allow 30+ clean surfaces (62 if you’re conservative) for nose blowing while still maintaining a clean outside so that your pocket doesn’t get gross.
- Handkerchiefs are affordable and environmentally sound – most pocket tissues contain 10 tissues. They run about $0.50 a pack. A $5 handkerchief more than pays itself back with one full usage of 60 blows – with 0% of the trash!
- Handkerchiefs are SOFT – much less harsh on your nose than tissues (except maybe the lotion tissues, those things are mint)
- Handkerchiefs are convenient – I’ve got into the habit of keeping one in my back pocket at all times. Color me prepared.
- Handkerchiefs are stylish – they don’t have to be white! But let’s not confuse handkerchiefs and pocket squares. Handkerchiefs are cotton – Pocket squares are silk
*Vodka, Roadkill, Grandkids… maybe one or two others?
You’re probably familiar with the Downy Woodpecker. It’s a little black and white bird that frequents pretty much the entire United States year round. It’s about the same size as a tufted titmouse.
The Downy Woodpecker has a lesser known doppelgänger: The Hairy Woodpecker. These birds look virtually identical, except the Hairy Woodpecker is bigger. How much bigger?
Well, we happened to have both land on our feeder the other day. Here’s a photograph. Downy on the right, Hairy on the left.
Fun fact for the bird ignorant: The Male of both the Downy and Hairy varieties has a little tuft of red feathers on the back of its head.
Graham crackers, if you break them in half into squares, can be thrown like frisbees.
Men are suppose to put their pants on last.
I have a problem with this because pants are the foundation of my clothing ensemble. The advantage to putting your pants on after your shirt is that you don’t have to unbutton the pants you just buttoned to tuck in your shirt. Same with socks. If your socks go on before your pants you never encounter the embarrassing condition of a pant leg mistakenly tucked into a sock (OH THE HORROR.)
For years I have been trying to make this switch and I have been wholly unsuccessful. If I’m not completely cognizant with each morning action, I find myself rolling my eyes as I unbutton my pants so I can properly tuck in my shirt.
NO LONGER FRIENDS!
Shaun pointed me towards kkandjay.com who sell Shirttail garters. YES. Shirttail garters are clever straps which clips to your shirt’s tails and elasticifies them to the tops of your socks all under the shroud of your pants legs. It keeps your shirt tucked nicely and your socks at attention throughout an active day.
And more than just that, it will force me to put my pants on last.
I ordered one to give it a shot. I’m eager to see how it all works out.
We sat J.Atlas down at the piano to see if he was a child prodigy.
Instead to our dismay we learned, through his improvised single note performance, he seems to have a penchant for experimental/avant-garde styles.
I pray that I am mistaken and his demonstration is instead a misunderstood statement of irony.