While on FaceTime with my parents, their land line phone rings.
Mom D to Dad D: Will you check the caller ID?
Dad D: It says it’s from Billerica
Mom D: Don’t answer.
Jen: Who is Bill Rica?
(joke explained for foreigners: Billerica is a town in Massachusetts)
The long dreaded day has come when the clock of heredity has triumphed over my youth. My blood work came back from the labs and my cholesterol is (per the doctor) “very high”
Granted, I got my numbers during the holiday week where everyday I was chasing egg McMuffins with an eggnog latte and enjoying cheese plates as appetizers and bowls of ice cream for dessert. So there’s that.
Either way, I now embark on my first ever involuntary diet. It’s a weird diet too. Normally when people think diet they think “Lay off the carbs! Lay off the sugars! Go for pita bread with a diet soda for lunch!”
Nay Nay (watch me) my friends.
For me, this diet limits dairy luxuries. Cheese: No. Cream sauces: Nope. Foam-able latte milk: Nope.
All the creamy treats must go. Sadness.
Ahh! The elusive GlowForge for which I eagerly signed up for 14 months ago has been delayed again. Now we’re talking July of 2017. DANG IT.
Having experienced the joys of product development, I can understand the delays. I’m obviously disappointed – but that’s how complicated machines come together. I respect the optimism of the GlowForge team and will take the additional time before the arrival of the GlowForge to become a software expert. By the time this monster reaches our doorway, I intend to be able to take full advantage.
One of the first projects I want to complete is the cutting and construction of a briefcase. Perhaps I should learn some basic leather working skills now so that I can achieve lasery leathery greatness more quickly. Oh the things to learn!
Occasionally J. Atlas sounds like a Dinosaur when he’s laughing.
In my youth, you couldn’t convince me to go anywhere near a plain doughnut. It was Boston Cream or Lemon filled Powdered doughnuts 100%. Munchkins from Dunkin’s were mostly disappointing because, with the exception of the Jelly which as a tenuous descendant of fruit always seemed too healthy to me, none of the selections had fillings, frostings, or sprinkles.
At some point in high school I swore off the filled doughnuts in some sort of doughnut coming of age – swearing my allegiance to glazed doughnuts for the next 10 years. Chocolate glazed opened the door to honey glazed which earned its respect as I began to drink coffee. But now even a subtle glaze is often too sweet.
I firmly reside in the plain doughnut era of my life.
What’s past the plain doughnut stage? Maybe the doughnut will remain the same but I’ll find myself eating them in rocking chairs. Perhaps on front porches accompanied by purposely bitter brews. Maybe I’ll find myself complaining more about kids as I eat my old fashioned doughnut.
Maybe those kids should turn down their music.
Maybe they should get the heck off my lawn.
You know what’s a strange word?
It’s almost exclusively used around kids. You never hear adults referring to each other as grown-ups.
According to Grammar-girl (one of my favorite resources for strange grammar questions), ‘Grow up’ is a phrasal verb and ‘Grown up’ is the past participle* When it’s used as a noun, it needs a hyphen.
*fun fact: present and past participles confused the heck out of me when I learned about them in Spanish class because I didn’t remember ever learning about them in English class first.
I showed up at the polling place this morning and promptly stepped in a pile of dog poo.
Note: this is literal not figurative.
Daylight savings with an infant is completely different. Instead of basking in the luxury of an extra hour of sleep during fall-back, we endure a stressful experiment of trying to determine how we can massage JAtlas’ schedule into sync with the rest of humanity. Then again… that’s kind of the challenge 100% of the time with an infant.
Overall though, the little man is doing exceptionally well. I give him four stars (out of four).