The long dreaded day has come when the clock of heredity has triumphed over my youth. My blood work came back from the labs and my cholesterol is (per the doctor) “very high”
Granted, I got my numbers during the holiday week where everyday I was chasing egg McMuffins with an eggnog latte and enjoying cheese plates as appetizers and bowls of ice cream for dessert. So there’s that.
Either way, I now embark on my first ever involuntary diet. It’s a weird diet too. Normally when people think diet they think “Lay off the carbs! Lay off the sugars! Go for pita bread with a diet soda for lunch!”
Nay Nay (watch me) my friends.
For me, this diet limits dairy luxuries. Cheese: No. Cream sauces: Nope. Foam-able latte milk: Nope.
All the creamy treats must go. Sadness.
Ahh! The elusive GlowForge for which I eagerly signed up for 14 months ago has been delayed again. Now we’re talking July of 2017. DANG IT.
Having experienced the joys of product development, I can understand the delays. I’m obviously disappointed – but that’s how complicated machines come together. I respect the optimism of the GlowForge team and will take the additional time before the arrival of the GlowForge to become a software expert. By the time this monster reaches our doorway, I intend to be able to take full advantage.
One of the first projects I want to complete is the cutting and construction of a briefcase. Perhaps I should learn some basic leather working skills now so that I can achieve lasery leathery greatness more quickly. Oh the things to learn!
In my youth, you couldn’t convince me to go anywhere near a plain doughnut. It was Boston Cream or Lemon filled Powdered doughnuts 100%. Munchkins from Dunkin’s were mostly disappointing because, with the exception of the Jelly which as a tenuous descendant of fruit always seemed too healthy to me, none of the selections had fillings, frostings, or sprinkles.
At some point in high school I swore off the filled doughnuts in some sort of doughnut coming of age – swearing my allegiance to glazed doughnuts for the next 10 years. Chocolate glazed opened the door to honey glazed which earned its respect as I began to drink coffee. But now even a subtle glaze is often too sweet.
I firmly reside in the plain doughnut era of my life.
What’s past the plain doughnut stage? Maybe the doughnut will remain the same but I’ll find myself eating them in rocking chairs. Perhaps on front porches accompanied by purposely bitter brews. Maybe I’ll find myself complaining more about kids as I eat my old fashioned doughnut.
Maybe those kids should turn down their music.
Maybe they should get the heck off my lawn.
I stumbled across a fascinating website about McMansions. I always thought McMansions were simply out of place huge houses built in affordable areas – like a rando 4000+ square foot house nestled in a neighborhood of ranches – but, oh my, they are so far beyond this. Take a stroll through McMansionhell.com. It’s a hilarious in-depth analysis of the design flaws of McMansions. It’s also wildly educational.
Over the past week I’ve read the entire site. As I understand it, these audacious houses built without cohesive design that suffer from cancerous extensions/additions are examples of unbridled hubris. There are fitting parallels everywhere
- The dude who goes to the gym and never works his legs
- Most people who ‘play’ guitar in college
- Five minute wikipedia experts
But it is even more than a prideful affront (turrets, columns, fake facades) with nothing behind it.
The website comments on how many of these houses are designed from the inside out; that the smallest of room details end up dictating the external appearance of the home. Designing with a focus on the interior is great – but this website’s author suggests that to do so at the expense of the external visage of the house is a massive error. It’s like the architect (or owner?) has a really short attention span. The house is done! WAIT! I want to squeeze in an office next to the master bedroom. OH! but I like big windows! Let’s make this one 30 feet tall! CATHEDRAL CEILINGS EVERYWHERE!
Check out the site, it’s amazing. Try this post to start.
Isn’t it strange how newscasters seem to talk in acutely exaggerated tones? A normal phrase turns into a bizarre collection of accents, stresses, and pauses:
“a section of main street IS ::with eyebrows:: back open for the first time since this morning’s accident but investigators still have A LOT ::dramatic pause:: to figure out.”
This research article on speech suggests “listeners interpret higher peaks associated with a mentioned item as conveying greater informational prominence.”
So it’s a trick to insinuate urgency and distinction even when the statements are actually boring and uninteresting? I can believe that.
Unfortunately, now that I hear it – I can’t stop hearing it.
I was WAY older than I should have been when I learned that an “engineer” didn’t exclusively mean someone who drove trains for a living. Curiously, in the field of trains there’s a second synonym profession title: a conductor. There’s also dual meaning between train like a locomotive and train like to teach.
There’s gotta be some clever joke where an engineer and a conductor walk into a train car… but I’ve only had one cup of coffee today and can’t come up with anything clever enough.
The most frustrating thing about watching football: Advertisements.
The second most frustrating thing about watching football: When there’s a fumble and all the members of both teams confidently point their arms as if they had recovered the ball, long before the pile of bodies has been deconstructed.
Although I suppose it’s not that different from when I’m bowling and despite the pending fall of my ball into the gutter, I desperately twist and flail my body to will some miraculous alternative.