For the past few weeks, I’ve been reading the book “Slash” in my spare time. What an amazing book, what an amazing guitar player, and what an amazing impact it’s having on my outlook on life!

I’ve already started practicing guitar for 4 hours straight every day (I get up at 2, so I can practice before work), but I’ve been prompted to change my life even more radically.

I usually like to consider myself “thrifty,” although some have gone so far as to call me “cheap.” Well, friends, cheap no more! Slash has inspired me to live the hedonistic, extravagant lifestyle I’ve secretly always wanted. Some of you might remember when I was too cheap to do laundry; after running out of clean socks, I began wrapping my feet in paper towels from the WPI bathrooms.

From this day forth, I am going to purchase a new pair of socks every day, wear them once, then throw them out (or sell them on Ebay when I become as famous as Slash). The House of Rock is getting a jacuzzi. In the living room. I am retiring the Bench Warmer and buying a Bentley. Remember earlier today when I traded in my PRS? Well, I just bought two more. Two, in case I forget where I put the other one! Oh, and I just bought a Roller Derby team — the DiDonators. Awesome!! Thanks Slash!!