Really, we couldn’t think of anything that was more extreme than a grizzly bear on a great white shark’s back. Shaun L. was trying to think of some combos with Blue Whales, and they had potential. But they didn’t have the ROCK factor that the Grizzly Great White combo had.

Anyway, thanks for tuning in today. I hope you enjoyed Ryan’s awesome Brevitous guides and the sweet MSPaint images depicting various animal battles.

Rock on.
Mike D.

The image says it all.

Yes. A grizzly bear on a great white would have no problem defeating a salmon in the mouth of a crocodile. In fact, I dare say… this combo is extremely intense. I can’t really think of anything that could defeat these two.

This is a strategic combo designed specifically to defeat Meowstro on the back of a Golden Eagle.

See… the salmon… cats and eagles can’t resist the sweet smell of fresh salmon. They would dive in to take advantage of the delicious sacrificial fish and then CHOMP. Game over.

Croc and Salmon would dominate this fight.

The advantage of the bat scorpion is that they could fight at night. They could strike repeatedly with skillful poisonous jabs…

What else can see at night? Cats. What has the sort of maneuverability that could out run a bat? A Golden Eagle. Clearly this combo would need to be Meowstro on top of a golden eagle. They would easily take out a bat scorpion duo. EASILY.

Sure. The eagle snake is tough. But it has a flaw… it can only battle in daylight. Throw a scorpion on the back of a bat and the Eagle snake team is out of luck.

It’s going to be hard to take down the largest land animal. Especially one that can accurately throw a Narwhal. But if anyone could do it, I think it’d be the world’s most poisonous creature a top one of the most intense creatures of the sky. They have flight and they have fight.

with repeat attacks they could slowly wear down the elephant. And the eagle would have no trouble flying in circles around a thrown Narwhal.

Did you know that elephants have been known to use their tusks to hurl trees, and even attacking lions? It’s basically true. So why then could they not pick up a Narwhal and throw it like a spear? I can’t think of any real reason.

What else could pierce through the 5mm thick skin of a rhino than the tusk of the deadly Narwhal. Yes. This team would hit the Rhino baboon team HARD. And once the rhino is down, with the tusk of a Narwhal through it’s hide, the baboon would have little chance against the power and fortitude of the trampling elephant.

Few creatures could stand up to the navigational skills of a baboon and the sheer brutality of a Rhino. This team would DECIMATE the giraffe cobra team. Why? While the giraffe and cobra have an amazing striking distance, it’s near impossible to pierce the armor like skin of a Rhino. It’s 5mm THICK! Sure, the baboon might fall to the strike of the cobra, but no Giraffe could stay upright against the thundering force of a charging Rhino.

No contest.

We have to start this off with a formidable team. If we started with an ant on top of a slug, it just wouldn’t be very fun. So here’s our first duo:

It’s a cobra on top of a giraffe. With the Giraffe’s super long neck and the speed and deadly poison of the cobra… few animals would want to get within 40 feet of these guys. Don’t forget giraffe’s can easily run 30 mph. They are fast. This spells trouble.

What team could dare take on the Giraffe Cobra? Tune in at 3pm for the answer.

A short while back a bunch of us gathered on Google chat to discuss animal fights. The idea was simple: If you could choose two animals to participate in a chicken fight… what animals would reign supreme.

Ryan, Jesse, Kurt, Ben, Ruth, and I worked together to figure out the ultimate team. In order to do so, we decided to start with a team and then try to think of a pair that could bring them down.

A number of rules and definitions had to be laid out first.

- A chicken fight is when one person gets on the back of a second person. They then fight each other and the first to fall over loses. In this scenario, we’re not talking about falling over… we’re talking about a fight to the death. We’ll put one animal on top of the other animal for the sake of keeping it ‘chicken fights’ but if one animal dies and the other one takes out the other team… it’s still a victory for the last animal standing.

- We had to try and think of the best playing field. A swordfish would be awesome against a cow… but cows don’t really swim and swordfish can’t go on land. We tried thinking about all fights taking place in some sort of plasma that would allow fish to swim through the air. This gets complicated. So instead, let’s just try and judge each fight as if it were taking place on earth. If a swordfish needs to fight a cow… we’ll have to figure out a way to make that happen.

- The two animals have to be animals and there can only be two. While you can’t have a bottle of poison on the back of a flock of geese, you could have a deadly poisonous dart frog on the back of a butterfly.

Let the games begin!

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Guide to Sea Shells

- Sea shells, despite their misleading name, usually originate from
the Great Plains region of the United States, or the mountainous
regions of Southern Japan.

- Sea shells can be manufactured from any number of substances high in
calcium carbonate, such as ram’s horn.

- She sometimes sells surreptitiously solicited, slightly substandard,
sea shells at a serendipitously selected stand near the sea shore.

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Guide to “Emo” Music

- “Emo” music was named after Canadian commedian Emo Phillips, who
used this sort of music during his live shows during the late 1970s.

- An Emo, one who listens to “emo” music, is easily identified by its
manner of dress and hairstyle. See Figure 1.

- A Pride of Lions; A Gaggle of Geese; A Pod of Seals; A Skulk of
Foxes; An Angst of Emoes.

- “Emo” music is entirely devoid of double bass drum pedals, and thus,
lacking any redeeming qualities whatsoever.

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Guide to Items of Cookery

- Pretty much all you need is a skillet

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Guide to Percussive Musical Instrumentation

- The Marimba is an instrument of Eastern European origin consisting
of dried animal skins stretched tightly over a resonating chamber.

- The bass drum ought only be played with double kick pedals at
rhythms over 250 beats per minute. Anything slower is a waste of a
perfectly good bass drum.

- The Zarb, also known as a “Tonbak” or a “Krunk Goblet”, is a drum
which is played while wearing special lambskin gloves.

- The Rumitone can only be played in the nude.

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Guide to Armadillos

- Armadillos are arthropods native to Central and Southwestern Africa

- Armadillo hide is harvested and used in synthetic motor oil and
self-healing cutting mats for arts and crafts.

- The nine-banded armadillo is by far the most common species of
armadillo, closely followed by the 7-diamonded armadillo, which
features an argyle patterning on the forelimbs.

- Armadillos have no teeth

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Guide to House Cats

- The house cat’s Latin name is Felis Silvestris Catus, which means
“moderate pain in the buttocks.”

- Hunters dress in orange because Deer posses limited color vision;
cats on the other hand see only in infrared.

- House cats possess the unique ability to retract their claws into
their feet, as well as their teeth into their gums.

- There were no house cats present in the Garden of Eden.

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Guide to the Proper Equipment of a Woodworking Shop

- Unlike most woodworking equipment, which is electrically powered, a
chain mortiser is typically powered by a Wankel rotary engine.

- A biscuit joiner is used to cut butter into dry ingredients to
ensure a flaky texture

- A thickness planer is an essential tool to the woodworker, both for
its ability to plane wood to any thickness, but also because its
diamonds coating in-feed roller could be sold to a jeweler should the
economy take a significant downturn.

- Panel boring equipment is dull and uninteresting.

1. No
2. Isn’t gonna happen
3. In your dreams!
4. I don’t think so, suckuh
5. That’ll happen…NOT

A brevitous gentleman’s guide to hard- and softwoods for usage in a maritime environment

- The most common wood found on seafaring and lakefaring vessels, by far, is teak. This is due to its curious ability to repel both fresh- and saltwater sharks, man-eating rays, and pelicans.

- The unwary boatbuilder may select specimens of pine to equip his vessel; an unwise decision, as the spiny lumpsucker, with its already-sticky underbelly, will be come semi-permanently attached to the pine sap. This will lead to frequent and untimely lumpsucker careening.

- Cedar will not experience symptoms of rot in salt water, but will exhibit the strange characteristic of smelling of cheap potpourri.

- Masts and bowsprits shall not, under any circumstances, be made of bamboo. It is a grass, not a wood, and therefore unwelcome in such a noble oceanfaring position.

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Field Guide to Reasonably Sized Aquariums Suitable for the Home Hobbyist

- It should be the aim of all home aquarium hobbyists to group together satisfactory species of the sea such that they fight in the most awesome way possible.

- One should add a “Deep Sea Diver” air bubbler if an only if he has a fully-functioning, very sharp, model knife.

- Note that octopi may be trained to crawl out of the aquarium, and, using their suctioned tentacles, open stuck lids on pickle, beet, and olive jars.

- Those that enjoy sushi should take into consideration the possibility of growing kelp and tuna, miniature varieties of course.

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Field Manual to Rackets Suitable for Sporting Usage

- The not-uncommon tennis racket differs from its country cousin the badmitton racket only because its strings are made of stretched snakeskin, as opposed to the badmitton’s catgut.

- Ping Pong rackets were originally covered with sandpaper. This practice was discontinued once ping pong balls were made from plastic instead of the traditional solid hardwood.

- Squash should not be played, under any circumstances. It was invented by European men so that their women would have somthing to do while they were off at war.

- Official Raquetball regulations require a cord to attach the racket to the player’s wrist. This is due to licensing issues that arose during the production of Wii Sports.

- Basque Pelota requires a racket strung with a closed string pattern to more accurately lob the rubber ball through a stone arch. Losers of this game are sacrificed.

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Field Guide to Members of the Animal Kingdom
Sharing the Same Name as Common Fruits and Vegetables

- The Rhubarb Swine is a small variant of the already-diminutive Vietnamese Pot Belly Pig, so named because of its purple skin and leaflike tail plumage

- The Toucan, uncommonly believed to be named after the brand of breakfast cereals of the same moniker, is instead so called due to its habit of building a nest only out of Toucan Barley.

- Jackfruit Hornets construct their nests by first assembling a small block and tackle from wood pulp and hornet saliva.

- Flourhogs, an albino variety of the groundhog, dig vast networks of tunnels through the storage tanks of wheat mills.

A Brevitous Gentleman’s Field Guide to the Dark Arts of the World’s Actuarial Societies

- Actuaries, not the Rail Road Company, were responsible for establishing Time Zones across the nation.

- If one kills an Actuary, the Actuary’s body does not float in water.
One should be aware, of course, that water is the only way one can kill an Actuary.

- The attire of an Actuary of the 5th Order shall include a belt made of tanned hide of the Feline.

- The disgusting Creature that ferments Kombucha is, indeed, an Actuary.

Today is a special day.

Ryan Schenk has put tremendous effort forth in coming up with many quality Brevitous Gentleman’s Guides to things that we all need to know more about.

We’re also going to have a handful of spectacular MSPaints today. Tune in regularly! This one will be awesome.