That was the funniest religious article I’ve read in a long time.

i’m going to buy a gross of asses’ jawbones.

I laughed so hard at this line I almost peed:

Elisha … however, decides to take it one step further. Invoking the name of God, he summons motherf*in bears to come and claw the s*#t out of them.

I love that article. The eleventh commandment: “Ladies, DO NOT GRAB THE JUNK.”

I would probably go to church more if those were the verses they based the sermon on.