Chapter 1: The Background.

Really, when it comes down to it, the whole thing was started because of an elderly guy named Norman. Kurt and I were working at Subway, and Norman was this obnoxious guy who would come in far too often, stayed far too long, and ordered in a bumbling manner that usually required us to try and guess what the heck he wanted on his sub.

Norman: “Pastrami…whe.. .anaise….ch.. . ucce… s…”
Mike D: “Pastrami on wheat with mayonaise cheese lettuce and salt?”
Norman: “… j.s…d….”
Mike D: “ha ha… ha?”

Norman lived across the street from the Subway in a giant yellow house. And he complained about the house. A lot.

Sometime in 2002 he stepped up his complaints and reported the Yellow house to the authorities as an unsafe place for senior citizens. The housing facility shut down. And suddenly, there was a giant yellow house that needed renting.

Enter Ernie Begin.

Ernie is a master of organization. Some have called him the Caesar of Worcester*. And when a mass living lifestyle opportunity presented itself, Ernie grabbed hold, and found 18 other people to sign the lease. There were 19 people on the lease! NINETEEN.

Those people were as follows:

Ernie, Jay, Jon O., Max, Sarah, Matt, Erich, Goss, Joslyn, John M, Maria, A.Jamin, Jroy, Darcy, Megan, Wizzo, JR, Jeff, and Kerri from Fitchburg.

Kurt and I, who worked at the Subway and lived a block or two away at the corner of Hamden and Howe realized we needed to bring our awesome houses together. One way or another.

HnH, as we lovingly called it, was a three unit multifamily. Kurt, Jon, Andy, and I lived on the second floor. The first floor and third floors were filled with friends. We had 12 extremely awesome dedicated people who were ready for action at a moment’s notice.

And so we took the ocelot as our mascot and declared war on the Yellow house. Well, not so much war as a Rivalry. A rivalry that would go down in the books as the most insane test of willpower and creativity ever known to mankind Worcester.

The first challenge was the Guardian Shield Maneuver

Continue reading Chapter Two Here

*This isn’t even remotely true.

An entomologist explains the pain of bug bites. Thanks to Roland.

Bug-sting scale with funny definitions

The Justin O. Schmidt Pain Index is a colorful entomologist’s attempt to map out the relative ouchiness of different bug-stings. The definitions — from a man who was stung many, many times — are hilarious:

* 1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
* 1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.
* 1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
* 2.0 Bald-faced hornet: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.
* 2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine WC Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
* 2.x Honey bee and European hornet.
* 3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
* 3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of Hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
* 4.0 Pepsis wasp: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath (if you get stung by one you might as well lie down and scream).
* 4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch nail in your heel.

Do you like edges? oh man do I have a pan for you.