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Office Supplies

June 20th, 2006 by mike d. in Quickthoughts, Work, Humor

In an ‘every man for himself’ cage match of Office Supplies, I think the staple remover would win.

It’s small enough so that the other office supplies probably wouldn’t consider it a threat in the beginning. But then, after the obvious favorites like the letter opener and scissors fell, I think the staple remover would gnash its wicked teeth and decimate the rest of its opponents.

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11 Comments »

Comment by The Office Supplier |
2006-06-20 15:10:47

Working at a company where Xacto knives and blow torches are kept in the office supply room, I think a different contender would win at Nypro.

Also, I think you have too much time on your hands to be thinking about this. Get back to work.

Comment by Roland |
2006-06-21 04:38:36

I dunno, I reckon a determined staple remover could pierce a blowtorch gas container, and an xacto knife couldn’t do much against metal. And if there was a pack (swarm?) of staple removers, they’d be unstoppable.

Comment by The Office Supply Tactician |
2006-06-21 07:58:14

I don’t know, if you’re going to bring pack/swarm dynamics into this picture, I’d be much more afraid of a swarm of exacto knives.

Plus, an exacto knife is metal as well as the staple remover. I think that they’d both do comparable damage to eachother.

Comment by Jes |
2006-06-21 09:10:53

Any metal object would be slowed, then eventually crippled, by a well-placed White-Out spill. Not to mention rubber cement glue.

Comment by mike d. |
2006-06-21 12:02:43

RUBBER CEMENT! Now THAT’S a worthy opponent. Imagine the mayhem and difficultly of trying to fight such a shapeless foe.

 
 
Comment by Roland |
2006-06-21 10:50:53

An exacto knife is sharp, but that’s not going to hurt a staple remover. The staple remover has crushing power and an xacto blade is thin and easy to snap.

I picture staple removers as the piranas of the office supply jungle - individually not too powerful, but a swarm of them can pick a photocopier clean in seconds.

Comment by Jes |
2006-06-21 10:59:10

Good point, but don’t underestimate paper clips. They can change shape. A fast-acting band of paper clips can unravel and wrap around the staple removers, wiring them shut.

 
 
 
 
 
Comment by Sander |
2006-06-21 00:08:09

Tim: Just because it’s in the supply room doesn’t mean it’s an office supply. Puttin kittens in the oven don’t make them biscuits.

Mike: You have way too much
1. Time on your hands
2. Imagination
3. Fatty tissue

Comment by The Devourer |
2006-06-21 07:55:57

Hmmm…..kitty biscuits…..sweet, sweet kitty biscuits…

 
 
Comment by Aaron |
2006-06-21 07:29:39

Pity the yellow #2 pencil. He would be spinters and stray graphite as soon as the fight started.

Also, I think the industrial 3-hole punch would hold it’s own for quite a while. Though it doesn’t have any obvious sharp edges, it does have considerable heft and a devastating attack, should an attacker get too sloppy.

 
Comment by Anita Clue |
2006-07-05 15:10:05

I like the paper cutter, you know the big sharp knife like thingy. That thing could form an alliance with an army of post-its. Rubber bands would also make a great offensive or diversionary tactic.

And let’s not forget the fountain pens of death.

 
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